GrinderCom

Risky assessment

2006-07-01T11:24:00.000+09:30

An article on the ABC News site questioning the effectiveness of imprisoning paedophiles has sparked this rare outburst of blogging.

Three psychiatrists have raised serious concerns about the ongoing detention of convicted paedophiles, saying there is no proof the jail terms reduce rates of sexual assault.

"If we went on public opinion we'd either never release them from prison or impose even more draconian sentences.

"In fact we'd probably impose the death penalty - that's how a lot of people feel."

There’s a commonly used concept called risk assessment. Any hazard, eg abuse of children by a known paedophile, can be assessed for risk by multiplying factors of severity and likelihood of the occurrence.

The higher the risk, the stronger the control needed.

If an offender is assessed as being likely to re-offend then it’s obvious that the best solution is remove the hazard. Which is more important, the liberty of children or the of rock spiders who have cashed in their rights with a lack of self-control? The answer is clear – lock up the offender.

The public might actually be right about this one. The recent assault on the eight-year girl in Perth will have a long-standing effect on people’s freedom and trust. Consider the number of families who will modify their behaviour to counter prospects of this occurring again. The net result is a significant reduction in freedom. Locking up a 21 year-old is a small price to pay.

Imprisonment is effective in that it removes the hazard from the community. The prospect need not be permanent if assessments show there is a limited risk.

If the prospects of rehabilitation are limited by long sentences then let the gaol term be determined by regular re-assessment.

It is rubbish to say that ongoing detention does not reduce the rate of assault. While locked up, they can’t offend – simple!

Good news

2006-06-17T20:21:00.000+09:30

Bill Whittle has made an appearance and is promising more...

Why does this upset me?

2006-05-30T19:58:00.000+09:30

Reconciliation Week began on 26 May and I’m pleased to say that DAIS got a jump on this with two events taking place even before the week started. At this month’s managers’ briefing on 25 May the conference room on level 13 in Wakefield House was officially named the David Unaipon Room.
I was joined by Judy Kropinyeri, a descendant of Mr Unaipon, to unveil a plaque to mark the occasion. Later that day, Minister Wright launched the DAIS Aboriginal Employment Strategy 2006-2009 which focuses on attracting and retaining Aboriginal employees. I’m very proud of the work done by our Corporate Human Resources team whose drive, commitment and willingness to embrace new ways of doing things resulted in the development of this strategy. A working group from our Reconciliation Committee has put together an exciting program of events to celebrate Reconciliation Week in DAIS. These include a didgeridoo and art class being held today at State Records in Leigh Street, a cultural tour of the Botanical Gardens, a screening of Why Me? and art exhibitions at various DAIS sites including Wakefield House where employees can sample bush food. I encourage you to get involved throughout this week to show your support for reconciliation.

State taxes or department budgets are being spent on this.
Executives that are too busy to get core business out of the way will be spending time on this.
It could be reconciliation, arts, women’s development, or paving dirt roads – its not what the department is responsible for.
And for every piece of affirmative action is an equal and opposite effect somewhere down the line (The Grinder’s personal theorem on social engineering).

Super size me

2006-05-30T19:11:00.000+09:30

MELBOURNE: New ambulances for fat patients will be built under a $3 million funding package to be unveiled in the Victorian state Budget. The reinforced ambulances will be able to transport patients weighing up to 350 kg.
The ambulances will include specialist equipment, such as heavy-duty wheelchairs, stretchers and lifters. Five new ambulances will be built as a direct reaction to Australia’s obesity epidemic. Treasurer John Brumby will announce the funding when he delivers the Bracks Government’s sixth Budget.
The obesity epidemic is reportedly taking its toll on paramedics, who face occupational health and safety risks in lifting heavy patients. The $3 million ambulance funding aims to protect paramedics as well as ensuring ambulances can cater for obese patients.

"What?"

Management wisdom

2006-05-27T20:35:00.000+09:30

My manager forwarded these...

"As of tomorrow, employees will only be able to access the building using individual security cards. Pictures will be taken next Wednesday, and employees will receive their cards in two weeks." (This was the winning quote from Fred Dales, Microsoft Corp. in Redmond WA)

"What I need is an exact list of specific unknown problems we might encounter" (Lykes Lines Shipping)

"E-mail is not to be used to pass on information or data. It should be used only for company business." (Accounting manager, Electric Boat Company)

"This project is so important we can't let things that are more important interfere with it." (Advertising/Marketing manager, United Parcel Service)

"Doing it right is no excuse for not meeting the schedule." (Plant Manager, Delco Corporation)

Quote from the Boss: "Teamwork is a lot of people doing what I say." (Marketing executive, Citrix Corporation)

"We know that communication is a problem, but the company is not going to discuss it with the employees." (Switching supervisor, AT&T Long Lines Division)

I want to go again.

2006-05-24T21:51:00.000+09:30

On a lighter note, today I experienced a real treat. In a bid to escape the office for the day I was taking part in a multi-agency operation in metro Adelaide. When things were a bit quiet I was asked if I’d like to come for a spin in a highway patrol car.

Accelerating and speeding through the streets was invigorating. From inside the car the purr of eight cylinders winding up was music to the ears. It was like taking a trip back to the days of being a teenager and going for a fang in a mate’s over-powered car.

But the real euphoria came form knowing I wasn’t going to lose my licence, nor anyone else thanks to the blue and red lights whirring above. In fact there wasn’t anyone to fear. It was like removing the shackles of nearly two decades of maturity and conditioning – and not a drop of alcohol was required.

RIP Jack

2006-05-24T20:35:00.000+09:30

A visit to vet and the diagnosis wasn’t good for Jack. The seven year-old English rabbit in all likelihood he had smashed his head pretty bad. There were no broken bones but the bulging eyes, partial blindness and paraplegia were all symptoms of a severe brain haemorrhage.

The neighbour warned that a fox had recently dug up a chicken they’d buried, so I dug down about 2 feet and after filling the hole put the hutch on top. A little unconventional for a headstone, but better than finding a chewed up carcass on the lawn.

Grindling #1 one cried all the way home and sobbed for most of the evening. Grindling #2 broke in to tears at bed time when he realised bunny wasn’t coming back.

Nothing to say

2006-05-23T20:36:00.000+09:30

but thanks to Grant

Evil potato chips

2006-05-21T21:41:00.000+09:30

As with the pathway to hell, tonight’s recipe was born of good intentions. The idea was to add a little flavour to some of the plainest oven-baked fries ever.

INGREDIENTS
2 cups of ‘guilt-free’ or ‘healthy choice’ frozen chips.
50 grams of real butter
1/2 cup of olive oil
salt
Paper towel

This is a totally healthy recipe. It has to be. With only 50 grams of healthy natural butter, healthy olive oil (they're a fruit?) and cholesterol-free chips!

METHOD:
1.Warm the oil in a frypan and melt the butter using a medium-high setting on the stovetop.
2. As the butter begins to change colour add the frozen chips and let the shallow frying begin.
3. Brown the chips on one side and turn. Switch off the stove once all chips have been turned.
4. Heat up the oven to a moderate heat ~ 200c.
5. Line an oven tray with paper towel and place chips one layer deep.
6. Allow them to cool and coat with salt (try not to eat more than half of them)
7. Now put them in the oven to “bake away the oil” for as long as it takes.

I think the trick was only part frying them and also cooling them before baking. Somehow the potato turns into little sponge fingers of buttery oil. Hmmm mmm.
Nothing healthy about these chips at all.

What was Tigger looking for?

2006-05-21T20:34:00.000+09:30

This afternoon the Grinder clan took a walk around the block to checkout the local subdivisions and admire how people are managing to fit five-bedroomed houses on postage stamp sized blocks.

Four times the emergency call went out to trailing walkers, “Poo! Watch your step.” Why must people own dogs anyway?

The experience brought back fond memories of a post from nearly two years ago. Maybe it’ll catch on this year.

[What’s the name of that pastime of Googling and getting only one result? Check out “National dog baiting day”]

Internet skills lacking

2006-05-21T20:03:00.000+09:30

I really would like to diagnose what’s wrong with the Grinder’s pet rabbit. Mrs G came home Friday to find the rabbit unable to lift its head and dragging its hind legs. There was a little blood on his coat but not a lot.

The only other possible factors are a dent in his caging from the inside (same height as a rabbit running in to it) and word that there’s a fox in the neighbourhood.

After two days, the rabbit aint much better. He eats and drinks from a cup – no longer able to reach up to drink from his bottle. He struggles to keep his head up for more than a few seconds. Sometime he can get the back feet working enough to crawl a metre or two. After a short while he stops and stoops. The ears stay up and the eyes are wide open in a spooky kind of way.

I suspect he’s seen the fox, taken a bolt for his hutch and missed, resulting in some sort of neck or spinal injury. But do you think I can find any sort of clue on the net?

If he survives another few days but doesn’t improve it might be time to Google ‘pet euthanasia’.

Its not OK, okay!

2006-04-24T20:34:00.000+09:30

Its not OK, okay!

Today we are as time critical as ever – seeking any shortcut or abbreviation to get us wherever we’re going quicker. Certainly SMS or texting demostrates this latest trend. Why type ‘great’ when you can depress the ‘8’ key four times to spell ‘gr8’ and alleviate the err… cumbersome four button presses to complete the ‘eat’?

Look at the savings:

Gr = 1 press of ‘4’ key + 3 presses ‘7’ key
8 = 4 presses of ‘8’ key
eat = 2 presses of ‘3’ key + 1 press of ‘2’ key + 1 press of ‘8’ key.

Gr8 = 8 key strokes
Great = 8 key strokes

Hmm.

Actually, what people do with their phones is their business. My pet hate is with the mindless shortening of the word ‘okay’. The abbreviation requires the use of the shift key plus optional punctuation with full stops – where’s the efficiency in that?

Its also ugly when in printed form. A sentence can roll along nicely and excluding a few meaningful abbreviations usually contains the one capital at the beginning. Why must ‘okay’ be shortened to ‘OK’?

Maybe ‘OK’ could be justified in hand-written notes, but in typed text? I don’t know why it bugs me so much, more so in respected publications. It doesn’t seem proper - its lower than spelling ‘gaol’ as ‘jail’.

Am I alone on this?

Old Friends

2006-04-23T21:00:00.000+09:30

Amongst the thoughts in a holding pattern awaiting the Grinders clearance to land is the usual collection of "I really ought to get around to's" and “I really must catch up with's.”

Last week the congestion increased when flight GrinderCom began circling and radioed flight control. “Just how long has it been? I don’t care. Is it rude to walk away without a farewell? Do I have anything left to say? I suppose this counts as inspiration. Has the fire gone out?”

Well the answers to these questions and more don’t lie on the internet. The Grinder's special workshop is amidst major refurbishment and the level of activity has mainly kept the demons at bay. I’m also working on the theory that reduced net time equates to a thinner waistline. So no promises from this neglected URL.

Credit

2006-02-21T20:12:00.000+10:30

A remarkable view from within an agency helping people who don't help themselves (other than to taxpayer funded services). Courtesy of another whingy, whiney public servant from Adelaide that probably says more than they’re allowed to about working for the government. Good stuff.

More eye candy

2006-02-17T20:12:00.000+10:30

This interactive device includes a few that Hew Hefner might have rejected but still worth visiting just to get a rise out of the Missus. Be sure to click on the images to complete the experience.

If you have the bandwidth, my guess is there's more in store at the same place

And here are a few more images pilfered from various emails of late that should keep the site visits ticking.

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Forum alternative

2006-02-17T19:50:00.000+10:30

Instead of booking your seat at the convention centre next month, maybe a nice cruise in a catamaran with a few attire-challenged lasses is more to your taste. Be sure to treat that funny fungal growth on your toe before taking any happy snaps though.

Get out your diaries and clear Friday 10 March

2006-02-17T19:03:00.000+10:30

Here’s an absolute gem from the deluge of internal spam and propaganda that blows out government inboxes in these parts…

Where We've Been, Where We Are and Where We're Going
A Forum for Aboriginal Women in the South Australian Public Sector

The Office of Public Employment celebrates and acknowledges the important role Aboriginal women make, not only to their families and communities, but also to the South Australian Public Sector. This forum provides an opportunity for Aboriginal Public Sector women to take time out to reflect on their achievements, look ahead to the future and enjoy themselves in the now.

The forum will be held at the Adelaide Convention Centre on 10 March 2006 to coincide with International Women's Day Week.

Registration closes Friday 3rd March, 2006.
I ask that Agencies support and encourage all Aboriginal women in the public sector to attend.

Commissioner Public Employment
Office of Public Employment
Website: www.ope.sa.gov.au
Our vision is to foster an inclusive, ethical, high performing, & accountable public sector

Apologies

2006-02-13T21:06:00.000+10:30

My apologies to faithful visitors who have been holding out with the hope of a new and interesting post. I doubt this will qualify but it’s my blog and this has been the first opportunity in a long time when I have been both willing and able.

Excuse for not blogging #1
Since December, every ounce of spare metal capacity has been diverted to another quest – the pursuit of promotion. In private enterprise you might channel you energy into increased performance, efficiency and show a bit of incentive. In the Pubic Circus there are two routes, neither has any connection with the aforementioned qualities.

Option one for promotion is to win an internal vacancy – the odds are steep and all too often dependent on other factors like gender. Option two is a shortcut to option one but in typical Public Cervix fashion requires twice as much work. Hence I’m pleased to advise my recovery from gender reassignment surgery is coming along well.

Excuse for not blogging #2 has been a lot more fun. I’ve taken leave to put up the long-awaited carport. I have not ached so much in my entire life and it feels good. The feeling of accomplishment is akin to climbing Everest, the feeling in my legs from climbing up and down the ladder for days on end certainly supports the notion.

Not being a big fan of cryptic puzzles I would probably not have taken on the task of self-installing a carport kit had I known how poor the instructions were. Fortunately the puzzle slowly transforms into a functional addition to the house.

Here is some wisdom:

Colourbond is a weatherproof coating that looks great.
BUT:
Don’t cut it with an angle grinder or any sort of blade that involves heat – it’ll spoil the finish.
Don’t remove the protective covering until the components are in place. This will reduce scratching.
Don’t leave the protective covering on when installed because you’ll find it difficult to remove from various contact points. (Seemingly a contradiction – I suspect only Confucius can solve such a mystery)
Don’t let the covering bake on in the sun and/or rain. Preferably store under your carport.
Don’t forget to cut the covering along both sides of the metal seam before trying to tear it off in situ.
When resorting to circular saws and angle grinders – remember to remove the adjoining plastic coating so that it doesn’t become encrusted the singed bubbling mess that was your colourbond surface.

I now have the latest colouring effect in protective coatings – the distressed colourbond finish.

Take time to think through how exactly you’re going to lift that 8 metre long purlin 3 metres in the air, put it in place and secure it when you’re at home on your own.

Don’t listen to the little voice that says “I don’t feel like wearing sunscreen today”

Carefully design the mitre joints of your gutters, rivet and seal them on the ground before gently raising the floppy construction to the eaves. It wont produce a better finish compared with working in situ but it makes no difference when the whole thing plummets to the ground and tears every rivet apart anyway.

Measure everything three times and then have your neighbour come over and correct you just as you commence a critical cut.

Keep your two-stroke generator handy to power hand drills etc on the sick day you take to finish the purlins only to find there’s a power outage for five hours (Adelaide residents only).
(10AM Power hotline: No known outage in your area
11AM Power hotline: Crews are yet to report
12PM Power hotline: Power is out due to a SCHEDULED outage. Please call if supply is not re-established by 3.30PM)

Normally conservative measures might save a few $$$ on materials, but after a day of concreting when you purchased all your concrete products upfront, a leftover bag of cement powder better represents $7 you should have put in the footings rather than savings for a rainy day.

Only smart arses know to look at a row of posts and check your work for accuracy.

Maybe Confucius would also like explain why its okay to use an 11 mm drill bit for a 10 mm bolt, but a 10 mm discrepancy on a 3-metre beam, (that’s a 0.3% error) will cost your dearly throughout the entirety of the project.

Who Killed Bill?

2006-01-28T08:49:00.000+10:30

Thankfully Nobody, a hyphen on the blogroll for Eject Eject Eject alerts readers to signs of life. There's no essay but a teaser good enough to keep the hopefuls hanging on a little longer for their next fix.

Email fodder

2006-01-20T19:05:00.000+10:30

From the rubik cube to the ipod - how far have we really progressed?

In 1981
1. Prince Charles got married
2. Liverpool were crowned soccer Champions of Europe
3. Australia lost the cricket Ashes tournament
4. The Pope died

In 2005

1. Prince Charles got married
2. Liverpool were crowned soccer Champions of Europe
3. Australia lost the cricket Ashes tournament
4. The Pope died

Clearly Prince Charles should not be allowed to remarry.

Don't ask me I just regurgitate the stuff.

Patronised

2006-01-14T10:37:00.000+10:30

Well I'll be!
The Zero Movement isn't a genuine blog after all. I've been talking to nothing but an advertising machine - the shame. And I thought I had a new blog buddy with genuine beliefs and a heart.
Excuse me, I think I've got something in my eye.

And so was the joke

2006-01-08T15:04:00.000+10:30

A man goes to the zoo
When he gets there, there was only a dog

It was a shitzu.

More fun…

2006-01-08T14:54:00.000+10:30

Lets see if this comment gets through to the keeper of ‘the zero movement’:

'There's a new cola on the shelves that epitomises what you're all about. Its called Zero. Have you tried it?'

Some people have to be told

2006-01-08T13:41:00.000+10:30

The biggest selling diet book has copped criticism for confusing readers. According to Rosemary Stanton and John Tickell the diet conflicts with other nutritional advice issued by the government.

"They're (dieters) saying why do our dietary guidelines tell us to eat 65 to 100g of lean red meat three to four times a week," Ms Stanton told Macquarie Radio.

“And yet the CSIRO diet says 200g of meat at night and then another 100g of meat, chicken or fish at lunch. What do I do? Which one do I follow?"

What a crisis! People might have to make a decision for themselves. Quick, lets pen a letter to the Prime Minister – this is important.

Having some fun

2006-01-07T21:06:00.000+10:30

I have a new friend and he has a blog called the zero movement. I’ve even put him on my blogroll - such wisdom, such inspiration. I’m curious why he hasn’t got a blogroll though.

I’ve heard there are advertising execs posing as bloggers, but nahh couldn’t be. There’s comments and everything. I’ve left a few comments, which strangely enough are moderated – go figure.

I’ve submitted this comment for January 2’s post titled ‘why can't deadlines be flexible?’

“Yeah, zero deadlines! What a concept. What if the world followed such a cool philosophy? Imagine how much work would really get done.
On the plus side there would probably be less advertising polluting the web.”

And

“What are you doing working on a public holiday anyway?”

Anyone else wanna play?

I feel dirty

2006-01-07T19:46:00.000+10:30

I went for a stroll to supermarket to stock up on lettuce, cucumber and tinned tuna for Mrs G’s new diet and discovered the latest product to hit the shelves. Despite it being about one and a half k uphill walk I had to lug a two-litre bottle of Coca-Cola Zero back to the sheltered workshop.

The verdict? Not bad – more like the real thing. None of that toothpaste taste of diet coke. It might be premature (I used to think Lime Diet Coke was schmick when it first came out too), but this could be my new drink. There you have it – I like it therefore its destined for an early departure from the shelves.

Here’s a little bit more info about ‘Zero’, though there’s literally zero on Coke’s own Aussie website.

If you have bandwidth to burn go here and play in the cold and ‘Chill in your crib bro’.

And then there’s the coke zero blog. Oh the shame. I’m going to have a hot shower and scrub my skin raw.

I don't geddit

2006-01-06T20:05:00.000+10:30

Perhaps the day has arrived when the internet has finally solved the problems of the world.

Yes that's right, quite possibly the World's Best Blonde Joke.

What bandwagon?

Morons

2006-01-04T19:47:00.000+10:30

The claim ‘New and Improved’ has always drawn scepticism, how can you improve something if its new? It can only be one or the other.

And here’s the proof. The state government is about to roll out $86M worth of new wheelchair friendly trams. They’re new and definitely NOT improved:

Before:
Trams could be coupled
128 seated
60 standing
188 total

After:
64 seated
109 standing
173 total

Argument:
TransAdelaide general manager Bill Watson said, “There would be plenty of room for passengers to stand and the new trams would have air-conditioning and heating, he said. Capacity would be monitored and extra services could be scheduled if needed.”

However…
However, Mr Watson said there were no plans to alter service patterns and boomgate times would not alter.

See! No improvements here; twice as likely to be standing and no fresh air. Oh and every chance there'll have to be more drivers on shift and increased rail traffic for residents and road users to tolerate.

Backing up

2006-01-03T20:49:00.000+10:30

A spike in the road toll over the Christmas break has sparked the usual debate on road safety. The local motoring association is bleating how there’s not enough being spent on the roads.

The police are making daily appearances with statements like,

‘We are urging motorists to be more careful’

“The carnage must stop."

Meanwhile the state liberal party would publish something on their website if it weren’t sabotaged by hackers.

Motorists are being targeted for all sorts of crimes. In terms of contributing factors the list and percentages are almost as out of control as the number of fatalities. 60% of deaths involve alcohol, 80% high speed, 40% inexperience, 30% drugs, 25% didn’t eat their vegetables…

Actually I predict a new trend – the baby boomers! I believe an increased number of aged drivers will soon appear in the stats and possibly exceed the 16-19 year old bracket.

Back to my point - The safety campaigns have been unyielding and my anecdotal observations are that we are more careful than ever. There would have to be far less speeding and drink-driving than ever before. Vehicles offer passenger protection that would have defied all imagination 25 years ago. So why are so many lives being lost? (Though in comparison tobacco and prostate cancer might make the figures pale into insignificance)

All except for one factor – there’s a load more cars doing a load more km everyday. Risk is increasing with congestion and exposure. Unless the number of motorists and distance travelled is limited you can only expect worse consequences.

I’m tired of the blame game and over-policing putting pressure on the motorist. Back off boffins.

Respec!

2006-01-01T19:06:00.000+10:30

The Australian red-back spider cops a nasty bite, however there’s always been that claim that the ‘Daddy longlegs’ (Pholcus phalangioides) was more venomous, only it doesn’t pose a threat to humans because it cant pierce the skin.

I’d also heard that they prey on other spiders such as the red-back but had never believed it, until I saw this specimen out by the back door this arvo…

Photos: 1 2 3 4

HNY

2006-01-01T14:02:00.000+10:30

Judging by the conditions outside there’ll be no practising the golf swing today. Actually it is far from a swing; more like a series of unnatural and uncoordinated twitches resulting in spasms of pain and unpredictable behaviour.

I’ll just have to research the perfect swing instead. Hmm, only 64 simple steps to having a good grip, stance, back swing, down swing and follow through (which is fine as long as I don't touch cloth). Judging by the amount of information out there, I’m beginning to suspect the perfect swing is as common as sasquatch.

Of course my true motivation is to spend less time on search and recovery of little white balls but I think that in the process I’m quickly removing the joy from what was supposed to be a few hours away from it all.

Maybe I’ll stick with my original approach with no scorecard and plenty of spare balls.

Word of the day

2005-12-30T20:22:00.000+10:30

Not being a big fan of the American Pie movies, it was only the other day that I learnt a new word/acronym – MILF.

Of course there may be some confusion amongst those who don’t know this site real well. Let me assure you I’m not referring to this group.

But if you’ve depleted your vocab of appropriate terms to use in Google image search give MILF a go. (BTW Safe Search will somewhat limit the effectiveness of this seach)

Strangely you wont see any sterilisers, strollers, or stretchmarks. Though they do start to get real scrubby by about result page 10, so I’ve been told. (Just how did I manage to blow 10 gig of my ISP account in just one sitting using a 28k modem?)

Their kids will be so proud. Heh heh heh.

No research added

2005-12-27T18:36:00.000+10:30

Its 11 o’clock in the morning, hot, the kids are splashing about in the wading pool and the radio is playing Harvey Norman end of year sale adverts.

Today marks the birthday of Mrs G. She’s inside coating the pav in cream and tinned fruit for our guests this afternoon. One of the advantages of a post Christmas birthday is the opportunity to offload the dishes that were overlooked a couple of days ago.

The pergola is proving a treat also – those new fangled polycarb sheets are doing a top job of cutting out the nuclear badness from the skies.

Thinking of today’s advances in UV protection, drug detection, road safety, health research, I’m suspicious of the direction we’re all heading. No alcohol, no sun, no fat, no salt – just where are we supposed to get our thrills when we reach that puritan goal of no fun at all? Sitting at a keyboard typing random thoughts to strangers perhaps?

Actually things are good. It might not be apparent by how its articulated here but there’s really not a lot to complain about. After a few days away from the desk the recirculating anxieties of one’s profession begin to subside.

Gradually the concept returns that there are other things in life – the things that get brushed aside in the daily rush of a workday or ‘work weekend’. There’s that slight facial twitch that occasionally pulls the sides of my mouth upwards, the satisfied feeling of a good sleep without guilt of lost work hours, and extended moments with the grindlings beyond the confines of the dining room table at mealtime and in the car travelling to shops and school.

There’s also other emotional baggage of visiting relatives that has been checked in and sent afar for another few months. Unlike other relationships that can fade to zero over time, family association in the Grinder household has a mandate that stipulates a minimum number of timed interactions each year, regardless of how little you have in common or how much you dislike them.

Since Christmas has passed I haven’t looked at my watch once, read the newspaper or worked on the next home renovation project. Instead, books, gardening, cooking, bouts of family time and a few good movies in the evening have been the order or the day.

Soon the decorations will be taken down and people will gradually return to the old routine. It will be time to return to work, traffic will increase, the tele-sales will resume, and eventually teachers and students will follow suit.

Looking forward, I see a year of personal reckoning. My work from the last twelve months is likely to make its way in to the fan also known as the justice system. The rest is out of my hands from this point on, other than getting on the stand and attesting to it all. If it goes well, I’ll be able to ride the wave of success for years to come, if not, its back to the grindstone and try again.

It will also be time to decide whether my future lies in my current line of work or not. The all-consuming nature of it has pushed me out of my comfort zone and helped me achieve things that I’d never dreamt of. Actually I don’t dream of much – never have. I am hoping however that there’s more of a balance between work and play. The recent acquisition of some golf clubs might just be a step in the right direction.

As for blogging – who knows? Even for lightweights like GrinderCom its time consuming. Unlike many of the good writers out there, I perform best with a good eight hours of shuteye.

The other nasty stumbling block for blogging is the liability. It’s more apparent than ever that without the constitutional right to freedom of speech, Australian bloggers are open to repercussions for being too outward in their thoughts. Likewise the naïve attitudes of employers towards blogging, albeit anonymously, see blogging as a major threat in need of annihilation.

Editorial intervention has seen quite a few good posts head for the virtual recycle bin of this Windows 98 operating system. While entertaining and possibly informative, they only served to draw unwanted attention to the Grinder’s sheltered workshop.

I suppose that leaves a lot to be said about writing fiction. Maybe there will be a new direction for GrinderCom in 2006. Maybe there’ll be a newer operating system on a new PC too.

Some observations from Christmas 2005

2005-12-26T14:25:00.000+10:30

Enthusiastic seating arrangements
An undersized dining room with too many chairs around a table already fully occupied by all those unique Christmas ornaments and trinkets.

All the blokes standing around the barbecue at lunchtime, not one is drinking beer.

Watching the eldest child disregard all his own presents and spend a large part of the day playing with a gift for a junior sibling.

The packs of zombie-like suburbanites attempting to burn off the extra 15000 calories they’ve each ingested by waddling around the block at sunset.
If I started exercising now, I’d have exercised away yesterday’s breakfast of pancakes, eggs and bacon by about Easter.

Sorting the wrapping paper and cardboard from plastic for recycling.
I see now how Richard Pratt could become the third richest man in this country.

The debrief in the car on the way home from the family Christmas dinner.
If you have to spend Christmas with them you might as well get the good gossip. The day’s events are distilled into a beverage you’d hardly label Christmas Spirit:
Who’s put on weight
Who’s aged
Whose career has stalled
Whose parenting isn’t up to scratch
Who gave the most inappropriate gifts
Whose kids misbehaved most
Who ate more than their share
Who raised what taboo subjects
Who was late
Who drank too much etc etc.

Having over catered to such an extent that even the keenest of hosts will fall ill from dining on ham and coleslaw for the next five days.

The shop trading crisis– you’d think it was a holocaust or something.
We’ve become so lazy and disorganised that we’ve become incapable of planning our shopping needs for more that a day at a time. The local quickie mart is overflowing with desperate shoppers needing those few essential items like bread, softdrinks and milk.

The quiet streets – no trucks, no mums shuttling kids, no shoppers and no peak hour.

The same old formulated news presentations covering Christmas Trading, charity concerts, what people will be doing and anecdotal stories on leaving things too late and spending too much.

Some stuff that I Got
You can make your own assumptions about my character/taste by the DVDs I scored:
BBCs Seven Wonders of the Industrial World
Austin Powers, International Man of Mystery
Be Cool
Scrubs

The messages are just as mixed with the literature I scored too:
The Coroner, Derrick Hand
The Taking, Deen Koontz
The Golfer’s Guide to Happiness, Joe Kohl

Some stuff the Grindlings got
Magnetic sticks & balls (keep away from credit cards)
A fire truck that unfolds into an entire suburb
Numerous books
About half of the current top 10 CDs
Several DVDs
A learning station laptop
Cars
Spiderman paraphernalia
Shirts
A slinky that lasted 30 minutes before being kinked

Well that’s how I saw it anyway.

Take 2

2005-12-19T07:52:00.000+10:30

There are couple of rules I apply around this time of year. Don’t rely on New Year’s resolutions and don’t set Christmas deadlines.

The first piece of wisdom would most likely qualify as an oxymoron because it was the result of a New Year’s resolution. It has however been my most successful one yet.

As for not setting Christmas deadlines, this pearl makes the Grinder a much more pleasant person to be with during the Christmas frenzy.

For example, last week I finally came to my senses and cancelled the carport contract with the local steel retailer.

Had I marked the calendar back in October and mapped out the time frames, it would have been reasonable to expect at least a partial construction by now. Thankfully, striving for adequate has curbed expectation and its nasty side effect – disappointment.

So it’s take 2, I am now signing up directly with the manufacturer and have to start the whole process over again. The ETA for delivery will now be late January. Construction COULD start February.

Cheer

2005-12-12T20:45:00.000+10:30

Last week I took the car in for tyres and a wheel-alignment. I’d rung the week before and booked a slot in during my afternoon off at 2.30. The car wasn’t on the hoist until after four!

I’m also pissy because today I learnt just how long my colleagues have been paid more than me. For over six months they lapped up my help and goodwill and left me looking the goose. I feel stupid and used.

I really want to ask the manager why he had to play a little game of secrets over the whole higher duties thing. Unfortunately I may have to use that bridge again in the near future. Otherwise I’d let loose at tomorrow’s lunch. Who in their right mind invited him anyway?

I’ve been helping someone else get up to speed with some of the finer details of the job. 'They' won a recent promotrion but even known how to do some of the fundamentals of the job.

The fulfilment of helping colleagues has soured. If they convinced the interview panels and managers that they can do a friggin’ better job than me - then they can do the job without my help. Some days I really want to tell my employer what they can do with their job.

I’m pissy because there are two weeks left until Christmas and I haven’t a clue what to get Mrs G for Xmas or her birthday. She deserves better than to have her birthday at a time when I least feel like giving or showing an inkling of appreciation.

I’m pissy because again I ended up having to schedule important work meetings immediately before and after tomorrows team lunch.

I’m pissy because I’m tired.

I’m pissy because since ordering a carport kit from the local steel supplier in October I’ve had nothing but absolute run-around. I am especially spiteful about this. I have been so tolerant of their incompetence that it sickens me. Everybody I talk to says I should pull out and get my money back.

I’m also pissy because I’d really like to say a lot more about the local steel supplier but it serves no purpose for me other than to jeopardise my quality of life should I impeach some principle of defamation law.

I’m pissy because I ploughed day after day into finishing my Diploma five weeks ahead of time - only for to sit on someone’s desk and be the last one assessed before the closing date. I was given 18 hours to resubmit with additional supporting material and references.

Beware the naïve soul who tells this old grouch to have a happy Christmas.

Interesting

2005-12-08T19:50:00.000+10:30

Maybe I shouldn't have ordered the new carport through [deleted] Steel Supplies.

Friggin’ commie do-gooders

2005-10-31T18:59:00.000+10:30

If you’re not from Adelaide you might not know that our Premier has a cunning plan, “We’re going to make Adelaide a better place”.

Mike Rann has a vision.

We’ve known for a while that new trams are on the way. Though it’s only just starting to appear that Mikey is looking through ~~rose~~ sepia coloured glasses.

With enhancements like overhead power cables and no right turns, the main corridor through the city is to be changed from this to this.

All to service this area of inner metropolitan Adelaide.

Additions

2005-10-27T20:25:00.000+09:30

I paid the deposit on a new steel carport yesterday. After almost handing over $10k for some else to do it, I had a change of heart when I realised the same thing was available in a DIY kit for $4k less.

The plans went in to council today.

Check the date – today the countdown begins.

How long will development approval take?
When will the materials arrive?
What parts will be missing?
Will the Grinder slice himself open on a sheet of corrugated iron?
How much will the project end up costing?

Stay tuned.

The industrial revolution

2005-10-27T20:11:00.000+09:30

It would appear John Howard is set to go out with a bang with his industrial relations reforms. Not being one to research too much into these things, I think I recall $20M being spent on the advertising campaign alone.

If the states are unsuccessful in appealing this legislation, most awards will go out the window in an event bigger than federation (whatever that is). Most existing benefits are to be preserved. Some that are plainly extortionate, like 10 days a year off for trade union training, will go out with the bath water. I struggle to respect someone who tries to defend such tripe.

And on it goes.

I’m not going to enter the whole debate, though I must admit some of the changes have made me question my own ideals.

No doubt an inefficient IR system has many indirect costs for business, however, so does taxation. Gauging by the near doubling in size of the tax manuals compared with 15 years ago, I suspect there would be a lot more gained from a simplified taxation system.

There are so many types of tax that people have entire career paths mapped out for them just in one area of taxation within the ATO. This mega department isn’t free, neither is the cost of accounting within business. AND IT DOESN’T PRODUCE A THING.

The Australian tax system needs to be stripped down and built from scratch. Even on the domestic front, the average family needs at least a cert IV in bookwork to keep track of rebates, allowances, thresholds and the rest.

So, before meddling with IR – how about tax reform?

Somehow I see ditching the monarchy will rate higher, and what was that other red-herring of Keating’s – changing our flag.

Bah.

The benefit of trust

2005-10-18T19:02:00.000+09:30

I may have made mention of my experience with red tape with and within the public service. My views on how public accountability and political leadership make for a not so lean and efficient machine also linger somewhere in the archives.

I’ve watched newcomers to “public employment” trundle wide-eyed into the peat bog of formality only to be slowly and cruelly engulfed. I’ve also seen government vacancies hang open for months because wage structures fail to come close to professional salary levels.

The Australian has chalked up another story of public administrative extravagance.

A Civil Aviation Safety Authority internal review found that the unaccountable $90-a-day travel allowance for food and incidentals was often drawn down on corporate credit cards as cash weeks before the actual travel.

Staff at the air safety regulator have wasted at least $150,000 a year booking their own travel, and have spent more on food and drink when away than on accommodation.

This led to the conclusion that CASA officials were using the allowance, which did not have to be justified by receipts, to top up their salaries.

“Conclusion”? May I suggest “Assumption” is a better word. While the TA for CASA might be more generous than some, I can attest that blowing the dosh before arriving at the destination isn’t necessarily a major scam.

Any regular traveller will confirm how quick the shine wears off spending hours waiting in airports, crammed in economy seating and solitary dining on deep fried schnitzels before retiring to a lonely room and crummy tv. Meanwhile untended domestic responsibilities and neglected spousal relations await your delayed return.

I’ve blown TA on items such as magazines, comfortable trousers, food and drink well before leaving town. Not every destination lends itself to the conveniences and comforts of home.

Still, if you think you’re being ripped off by Joe Public Servant, then support the calls for more controls. It already takes hours to chase down the necessary signatures for approval to travel and with the support of administrative staff about another half a day to process the TA expenditure before and after the trip. Chasing a receipt for a pie, finger bun and a can of coke bothers me for a couple of reasons.

While I’m used to spending my time doing tasks menial, it’s a drag chasing receipts from Harry Shopkeeper and collating the tickertape at the end of a long journey is going to end in tears.

Secondly, public servants pay tax too. Hard to believe I know, but I’ve seen the group certificates. (In fact most public service jobs are so mundane they allow little opportunity for even the most creative of accountants to justify a viable claim and therefore tend to have incomes that have less propensity to escape tax unlike some other career groups).

The hidden cost of authorising, processing and recording the simplest $5.45 luncheon is evident when you’re paid by the hour to search for the hidden claim form on the intranet, interpret the latest travel policy and chase executive for authorisation before sucking up to the finance section to rush through your cheque so you can get to the bank on time to cash it before closing. It can take half a day to get $50 of TA for a night away.

Bring it on.

Listen to your mother

2005-10-13T20:26:00.000+09:30

If you’re about to go motor racing you’d better put on some clean underwear because the jock cops are on patrol.

SYDNEY: Australian motor racing officials are upset that the sport's highest paid professionals are ignoring the most basic safety precautions.

V8 Supercar drivers decided among themselves not to wear fire-resistant underwear, which includes full-length body suits, socks and balaclavas. They were exposed at last weekend's Bathurst 1000 when two-time champion Marcus Ambrose and his co-driver Warren Luff were penalised for not wearing the headpiece.

The agreement has angered both the Confederation of Australian Motor Sport (CAMS) and the Australian Vee Eight Supercar Company. Regulators have promised to conduct random underwear checks and impose harsh penalties on drivers who do not comply with the ruling. Chief steward of the V8 Supercar series Steve Chopping said drivers would be warned of their obligations prior…

Absolutely no recollection

2005-10-11T21:39:00.000+09:30

A man wanted to get married.

He was having trouble choosing among three likely candidates. He gives each woman a present of $5,000 and watches to see what they do with the money.

The first does a total make over. She goes to a fancy beauty salon gets her hair done, new make up and buys several new outfits and dresses up very nicely for the man.

She tells him that she has done this to be more attractive for him because she loves him so much.

The man was impressed.

The second goes shopping to buy the man gifts. She gets him a new set of golf clubs, some new gizmos for his computer, and some expensive clothes.

As she presents these gifts, she tells him that she has spent all the money on him because she loves him so much.

Again, the man is impressed.

The third invests the money in the stock market. She earns several ! times the $5,000. She gives him back his $5000 and reinvests the remainder in a joint account.

She tells him that she wants to save for their future because she loves him so much.

Obviously, the man was impressed.

The man thought for a long time about what each woman had done with the money he'd given her. Then, he married the one with the biggest boobs.

Men are like that, you know.

There is more money being spent on breast implants and Viagra today than on Alzheimer's research. This means that by 2040, there should be a large elderly population with perky boobs and huge erections and absolutely no recollection of what to do with them.

Cheap as chips?

2005-10-11T21:30:00.000+09:30

Woman awarded $548,000 for slipping on chips
CANBERRA: A Canberra woman has been awarded more than half-a-million dollars in damages for an injury she suffered in a fall at the Woden Plaza seven years ago.

The ACT Supreme Court heard Elizabeth Cairns seriously injured her back when she slipped on hot potato chips shortly after leaving her place of work in the plaza. It found that the shopping centre's owner at the time, Lend Lease Property Management, and the centre's cleaning service, SSL Support Services, breached a duty of care to Mrs Cairns and other people in her position by not cleaning up the spillage quickly enough.

ACT Supreme Court Master David Harper was satisfied that had the food court area been checked every 15 minutes, the chips would have been cleaned up and Mrs Cairns would not have suffered her injury.

Lend Lease was found to be liable for damages, which were assessed at $548,000 plus costs. It was the second-biggest damages pay-out in the ACT this year, coming after Justice Macolm Gray recently awarded $7.5 million to a former Canberra man who became a quadriplegic after diving into the poorly signposted shallow end of Civic pool 13 years ago.

Holy crap! A duty of care? What next, a personal escort from the premises to the employee’s car.

This is an intriguing case, generally (maybe not in the ACT?) an employee cannot take their employer to court; WorkCover are responsible for the rehabilitation and compensation.

Perhaps the injured party took the action as a member of the public and made a civil claim. This makes more sense because the case can be won on the balance of probabilities whereas a criminal case would need to have been proven beyond a reasonable doubt.

Cats and Dogs

2005-10-11T21:12:00.000+09:30

Cats have nine lives. Which makes them ideal for experimentation.

A dog goes into a hardware store and says: "I'd like a job please".
The hardware store owner says: "We don't hire dogs, why don't you go join the circus?"
The dog replies: "What would the circus want with a plumber".

Choose a headline

2005-10-11T21:04:00.000+09:30

a) Civil liberty group on the bandwagon
b) Criminals endangered by police pursuits
c) Tighter chase controls creating more elusive crims

SYDNEY: Nearly one in seven high-speed police car chases in NSW in the year to June ended in a crash, lifting the crash rate to its highest in six years. This was despite attempts by police chiefs to tighten control of potentially deadly pursuits.

New official figures reveal that 284 of the 2146 pursuits in 2004-05 ended with a collision, killing three people. Scores more were injured in 68 of those chases. "The statistics show clearly that even in relation to minor offences, police are continuing to recklessly endanger innocent bystanders," said the president of the NSW Council for Civil Liberties, Cameron Murphy.

Since 1994, an estimated 2300 chases have led to a crash, according to calculations using previously released police figures. Between July 1, 1994 and June 30 this year, the state's police have notched up almost 21,000 pursuits.

Guy Stanford, chairman of the Motor Cycle Council of NSW, which represents 30,000 riders, said the high crash rate called in question whether pursuits were the right way to catch offenders.

Looking good

2005-09-28T20:22:00.000+09:30

While its wet cold and windy in these parts at the moment, the long-weekend forecast is somewhat cheery.

Synoptic situation
A deep ~~low~~ thirst, well south of ~~the Bight~~ Adelaide, is likely to settling in for the next few days. Gusts of hot air and bull-dust will ease as a refreshing cold front moves through.

RWDBs 'fat, homophobic'

2005-09-26T20:12:00.000+09:30

This article is wrong in so many ways; validity for one. I've edited it slightly, but the effect remains the same.

By Saffron Howden (actually sourced from Australia Institute press page)
September 26, 2005

FORGET the ads that show fit, rugged, 30-something-year-olds. The reality is, RWDBs are often obese, aggressive, intolerant and aged in their 40s or 50s.

A new study has found that city RWDBs are less community minded than other drivers, less charitable, more likely to be homophobic and have a low opinion of indigenous culture.

The Australia Institute study has also found they are more likely to use force to get their way.

Based on a Roy Morgan Research survey in 2003-04 of 24,718 people aged 14 and over, the study found the typical city RWDB is a male in his forties or fifties in full-time work with a higher than average income.

The RWDBs are also far more likely than conventional bloggers to kill or maim other road users, they are less fuel efficient and they are resented by others.
Two thirds of these bloggers from the city are overweight or obese.

They also had a lower regard for the welfare system than the general population.
"While over half (57 per cent) of all Australians agree it is the government's duty to support those who cannot find work, only 42 per cent of RWDBs concur," the report's authors, Clive Hamilton and Claire Barbato, said.

"These bloggers tend to see themselves as rugged individualists who like physical activity.

"Perhaps with implications for how they think, they are more inclined to say they sometimes use force to get their way," the authors said.

The authors also say RWDBs are marketed as bold, tough and powerful, while the daily reality is that most are spend their time travelling to school, work and shops in metropolitan areas.

“This suggests that instead of relying on the social conscience of RWDBs to change, it would be more effective to use mandatory measures such as special
licences and high taxes.”

The unedited 'story' is here.

Here's the counter study

Lefties 'dirty, unkempt'
By Grinder

September 26, 2005

FORGET the images showing healthy clean left-wingers desperately trying to join the workforce and making a real contribution to society. The reality is, they are often dirty, poorly groomed, pretentious idealists.

A new study has found that suburban luvvies are less business minded than other people, are poor financial managers and have an inflated opinion of indigenous culture (and themselves).

The RWDB Institute study has also found Left-wingers are more likely to use whinging, whining, deceit and law breaking to get their way.

Based on a GrinderCom Research survey in 2005 of 2 people aged 18 and over, the study found the typical luvvies is a gender-non-specific, ugly, out of work with an unregistered 4 cylnder jap box on blocks in the front yard of their shared rental property.

The leftiess are also far more likely than conventional people to drive others to kill or maim and they like to think they are popular amongst others.

Two thirds of the people surveyed did not know how to use a razor and believed in the legalisation of hard-core drugs.

They also had a high dependence on the welfare system than the general population.
"While 57 per cent of all Australians agree it is the government's duty to support those who cannot find work, only 99 per cent of luvvies said “too right”, the report's author said.

"These people tend to see themselves as bastions of higher thinking ranked above the majority.
"Perhaps with implications for how they think, they are more inclined to say they sometimes use farce to get their way," the author said.

The author also claims Luvvies are purported as caring, passionate underdogs, while the daily reality is that most are spend their time sleeping in and travelling across the country to rallies for causes they have no attachment to.

“This suggests that instead of relying on the common sense of Lefties to change, it would be more effective to reduce welfare.”

Corrupt state

2005-09-22T21:57:00.000+09:30

Stand back because there’s some serious stuff happening here in the state better known for its acid dipped cuisine.

Adjourned to October, Christies Beach Magistrate’s Court will be hearing a case put forward by the Police Internal Investigation Branch against two Senior Constables from the neighbouring station.

The crime?

According to the local press (no link available), documents submitted to the court show the police social club is claiming $20.90 and $17 compensation from the officers. They have been charged with theft.

I am not going to republish their names.

There must be more to it. How could this have ended up in criminal court? Could internal disciplinary measures not handle a matter involving less than $40?

The integrity of a couple of cops flogging less dosh than it takes to buy a weekly bus ticket is hardly going to bring SAPOL into disrepute. The responsibilities and expectations placed on Joe Plod would blitz a bit of misdirected petty cash.

How much will it cost to train and replace another two police officers?
How many resources have been wasted on the internal investigation?

I’d like to know if this case is as pathetic as it first appears.

Back to work next week.

2005-09-22T20:28:00.000+09:30

There’s a good way to measure how good a break has been – the pain of returning. I have feeling some good blogging is imminent.

Fortunately some heat beads and firelighters lay in readiness for the long weekend.

23 Things That Make You Feel Like Much More Of A Man

2005-09-20T08:15:00.000+09:30

In the spirit of Posting not Forwarding...

1. OPENING JARS - nnng, she's struggling. You take it from her hands, open it effortlessly and pretend she loosened it for you. She didn't. Jars are men's work.

2. CALLING SOMEONE 'SON' - Especially policeman, but even saying it to kids makes you the man.

3. DOING A PROPER TACKLE - Another free kick for Scott West? A Barry Hall tackle is the pinnacle of the game, simultaneously winning the ball and crippling the man. Magic.

4. SHARPENING A PENCIL WITH A STANLEY KNIFE - Blunt, is it? Hand it here love. No, I don't need a sharpener, you think I can't whittle?

5. GOING TO THE TIP - A manly act which combines driving and lifting as you thrillingly drop your rubbish into another huge pile of other rubbish.

6. DRINKING UP - Specifically, rising from the table, slinging your coat on and downing two thirds of a pint in one fluid movement. Then nodding towards the door, saying, "Let's go," and striding out while everyone else struggles to catch up with you. God, you're hard.

7. HAVING A THIN BIT OF WOOD - in the shed, solely to stir paint with.

8. HAVING A SCAR - Ideally it'll be a facial knife wound, but even an iron burn on the wrist is good. "Ooh, did it hurt??" "Nahhhh."

9. HAVING A HANGOVER AND THICK STUBBLE - When sheilas have been partying they just whinge. You, on the other hand have physical evidence of your hardness, sprouting from your face. "Big night?" "Grrrrr, what does it look like?"

10. NODDING AT COPPERS - A moments eye contact is all it takes for you to share the unspoken bond. "We've not seen eye to eye in the past," it says, "but someone's got to keep the little scrotes in line".

11. USING POWER TOOLS - especially ones slightly more powerful than you need or can safely handle. Pneumatic drilling while smoking a fag? Superb.

12. KICKING A FOOTY AGAINST A GARAGE DOOR - Clang-g-g-g-g-g-! "How about that Stewy? I kick so hard I set off car alarms."

13. ARRIVING IN A PUB LATE... and everyone cheers you. It doesn't mean you're popular, it just means your mates are pissed. However, the rest of the pub doesn't know that.

14. NOT WATCHING YOUR WEIGHT - fat is a feminist issue, apparently. Brilliant. Pass the pork crackling.

15. CARVING THE ROAST - and saying "are you a leg or breast man" to the blokes and "do you want stuffing" to the women. Congratulations, you are now your dad.

16. WINKING - turns women to putty. Doesn't it?

17. TEST SWINGING HAMMERS - ideally, Mitre 10 would have little changing rooms with mirrors so you could see how rugged you look with any DIY item. Until then, we'll make do with the aisles.

18. TAKING OUT $600 FROM AN ATM - okay, so it's for paying the plumber later but with that much cash you feel like a mafia don. The only thing better is peeling notes off the roll later.

19. PHONE CALLS THAT LAST LESS THAN A MINUTE - unlike sheilas, we get straight to the point. "Alright? Yep. Drink? Wig and Pen it is then. Seven. See ya."

20. PARALLEL PARKING - bosh, straight in. First time. Can Schumacher do that? No, because his car's got no reverse gear which, technically, makes you the world's best driver.

21. HAVING EARNED THAT PINT - Since the dawn of time, men have toiled in the fields in blistering heat. Why? So, when it's over we can stand there in silence, surveying our work with one hand resting on the beer gut while the other nurses a foaming jug of ale. Aaaah.

22. HAVING SOMETHING PROPERLY WRONG WITH YOU - especially if you didn't make a fuss. "Why was I off? Oh nothing much, just a brain haemorrhage".

23. KNOWING WHICH SCREWDRIVER IS WHICH - "A Phillips? For that? Are you mad, woman?"

Thanks to 'Workplace Simon'

Top of the pops

2005-09-19T22:03:00.000+09:30

Here's a link to America's ten most wanted. Err.... or was that eight?

Actually there are ten - on the follwoing linked page, but still a bit of a blooper?

Uncanny

2005-09-19T21:02:00.000+09:30

One of these guys is a publicity-seeking opportunist; the other is an elusive polygamist sought by the FBI.

A lesson

2005-09-19T19:52:00.000+09:30

In the Grinder’s view, there’s only one acceptable type of public affection – a passion for food. One's torrid relations with flavoursome fare would put the conquests of Brooke from Bold and the Beautiful to shame.

I am happy to admit that philandering with recipes and boasting of digestive conquests are a favourite pastime also, even at the workplace lunch table.

This is where some good advice wouldn’t go astray. Other people that share the confines of the office aren’t necessarily of the same ilk as you and I. You see there’s this thing called “diversity” which means some folk are queer.

When lunchtime conversation swings to favourite and interesting foods, beware. While those of us with more refined tastes savour the thought of deep fried dolphin in Coopers Ale batter, others will talk of less palatable fancies such as tofu, sea fungus, lentils and roo meat.

If anyone says “It tastes okay as long as you cook it the right way” you know you’re in trouble. If something requires 148 hours marination, strict cooking directions, an accompaniment of spices and an open mind, then I call it bull.

You’d hardly expect a new range of snack foods to appear on the shelves with lentil, tofu, chickpea, fish lip or vermin flavours. Beef, chicken, lamb, and pork products will always rule supreme. Oh and don’t forget the secondaries like cheese and bacon.

On the run

2005-09-17T10:37:00.000+09:30

Greetings from Sunraysia (or however they spell it).

The Grinder clan is enjoying a few days off in Mildura, and three days without web access is a long time. Fortunately the local internet cafe is open and well worth it's $4 an hour. The coffee it spot on - I'm missing my regular fresh coffee fix also.

It's too nice a day to stay in here, so I'll probably get back to it all Monday night.

Don't think about red elephants

2005-09-14T20:15:00.000+09:30

This advert appeared in the local paper today,

“IMPORTANT ANNOUNCEMENT
It has been brought to our attention that a high profile customer of Virgin Mobile has had his private number leaked on the internet. We strongly advise our customers to refrain from calling Mr Donovan.”

So summonsing the mighty powers of Google brought light to the subject,

Lifted from here.

and my next thought too…

comes from the same site.

How better could you fix an invasion of privacy than by placing national ads asking people not to pry?

A few of my favourite things

2005-09-14T20:11:00.000+09:30

Beef, sugar, flavourings, salt, soy sauce, monosodium glutamate, maltodextrin, hydrolysed corn starch, sodium erythorbate, sodium nitrate, potassium sorbate.

All in a 96% fat free and “guilt-free” snack.

Too good to be true? Apparently not.

I waiting for the 200g sized pack to hit the market.

Like they say, “If you haven’t tried our snacks, you don’t know Jack.”

Standby

2005-09-12T21:37:00.000+09:30

I’ll be watching the media and all those who stood up for Hookes for their apologies to Zdravko Micevic. The stream of idiots who ran to the defence of this sporting thug should hang their heads in shame.

I will agree on one thing though – it’s poor justice. Mr Micevic deserves the apology.

Whittle update

2005-09-10T22:05:00.000+09:30

While slowly progressing through the feast of Bill's essay I pause especially to enjoy this,

"so obvious, so simple and so self-evident that there is no way the deep thinkers of the far left will possibly be able to see it."

Proof

2005-09-10T21:46:00.000+09:30

Not only a word on the bottle before me, but a word that comes to mind when referring to Bill Whittle's latest. Proof that good blogs can take their time and reap the benefits of true quality.

I haven't finished reading the lengthy September 5 posting yet, but like always, its no doubt going to be worth the time.

And a word from our sponsors

2005-09-10T21:02:00.000+09:30

Tonight’s posts are brought to you by the bottle of goodness that has been overlooked almost as much as this website.

Quiz time

2005-09-10T20:46:00.000+09:30

A dusty few days on the roadside observing a number of authorities doing over passing motorists, I learnt about two brothers; Pat and Fat. Pat always drives away with a warning and a friendly wave whereas Fat faces a barrage of scrutiny and after much lost time limps away with a plethora of fines and pending legal action.

You wont learn about Pat and Fat using Google, in fact it is an effective but obscure way to find a fatty boombah’s delights worth of greasy recipes seeking reprieve with a piece of paper towel.

Some dude

2005-08-31T20:56:00.000+09:30

Last night Adelaide copped a whipping from some of the strongest winds that the Grinder can recall. Bringing home the brand spankin’ new work car was not as joyous as it should have been. The odometer hadn’t reached three digits and I’d already driven it through a hailstorm and a cloud of woodchips scooped up from a freak gust of wind. The handling was unimpressive at highway speeds – again something to do with some dude called Aeolos.

Home safely, I tucked the car under shelter for the night and commenced duties domestic until retiring for the evening. (The true pointlessness of putting a car under shelter that was destined for an off-road driving course in two weeks wasn’t entirely lost on me).

Unfortunately the new pergola didn’t stand up as well as I’d hoped. I was woken about 12:30 by the flapping and banging of something that sounded like it was going to be my problem. I say ‘about 12:30’ because the power was also off at the time.

Grabbing the only torch not accessed by the Grindlings, and hence the only working torch in the house, a loose sheet of pergola roofing was soon identified as the cause of the ruckus.

I stood in the rain with only my torch and an occasional flicker of lightning to assess the damage. One sheet of roofing had lifted from under the edging and was otherwise secure. So I summonsed my knowledge of safe work practices, assessed the risk, selected appropriate control measures, cast all of the above aside and decided to get my steel ladder and fix it myself.

I woke this morning, the power was on and all was calm. Only a felled tree or two on the Grinders route to work lingering as a reminder (There was no other debris on the road – I think it blew interstate). As if hung over, a slow realisation dawned - had I really been balancing on the top rung of a steel ladder in an electrical storm with 80 km/h winds and rain carrying a drill, torch, tech-screws, and bits, fighting with an untamed sheet of plastic?

The news tonight brought the reality of the situation home – about 3 km down the road, Grindling #2’s childcare centre was struck by lightning last night and 10km on the other side of the hill, another house was struck and burnt to the ground.

In contrast, tonightI ventured out for walk, it was clear, still and dry. Not that it has much to do with it, but every drongo who can afford a set mag wheels and a hotdog exhaust pipe is driving as if fuel is still 46.3 cpl with their friggin fog lights on blinding pedestrians.

A question for the rapidly aging

2005-08-26T21:09:00.000+09:30

With nearly dead tastebuds that can barely feel the warmth in a good vindaloo, why is it that the best flavoured potato chips to me are now the plain salted variety?

Friday night maths for men

2005-08-26T20:27:00.000+09:30

Supposition A

"Time and money will help find a good woman"

Therefore

$t = ♀

Where:
$=money
t=time
♀=women

Supposition B

"Time is money"

Therefore

$=t
which substitutes to the first equation, thus
♀ = $$
♀ = $²

Supposition C

"Money is the root of all problems"

$ = √ problems
and from this we deduce

♀ = (√ problems) ²

wait for it - drum roll please...

♀ = problems, or
Women = problems

Note to self - lame gags with mathematical symbols are not worth the effort of transcribing to HTML.

Oz Blog Alliance

2005-08-26T20:25:00.000+09:30

I’ve got a blank page from the old blogsnot address.
Anyone tried to bring up the Oz Bloggers page lately?
(Don’t all reply at once)

Those of us still flying the flag, once administered by Mike Jericho, must be either patriotic or lazy or both.

The subtleties of local production

2005-08-25T20:58:00.000+09:30

‘Twas that special time of night when the Grindlings were tucked in bed and more hedonistic interests can be pursued for the remainder of the evening.

Mrs G was sorting and labelling yet another set of photographs that will one day make up part of the most detailed photographic biography of any child from birth through to ‘Mum put the camera away I don’t want my photo taken’.

I traipsed the well worn path from the lounge to the pantry o’ love and selected a tasty treat to quell the cravings as the day’s caffeine high declines and is replaced by that washed out feeling that signals impending sleep.

The goodies for the night, courtesy of Arnott’s Biscuits, was a box of sweet and fatty vanilla sticks – no glass and a half chocolate fix, but blocks of Cadbury’s rarely last beyond day 2 of the weekly shopping cycle in the Grinder household.

Opening the packet brought about an interesting observation – the flaps of the packaging were sealed with adhesive tape. Since when do we take the time to individually apply cellotape to our food packaging?

Looking more closely at the package something else wasn’t right - the colourful and out of character box. And then it struck me – it looked the same as all the Grindlings’ toys packaged by enthusiastic cheap overseas labour.

Sure enough examination of the details, next to the Australian company name, Australian Freecall number, Australian postal address and Australian web address is the explanation for the peculiarities: Made in Indonesia.

TeleBully

2005-08-22T19:26:00.000+09:30

Want Caller ID?

How about broadband?

How about a dozen fancy ways to manage your phone calls with the latest technology?

Get free connection,¹ a free modem/handset,² and 12 months free service³, when you apply⁴ for our member benefit plus⁵ scheme⁶.

1. Subject to very disappointing service availability. 2. This and other freebies are available only to those remaining people who haven’t yet connected and live in areas privileged enough to connect. 3. This service will be promoted endlessly to taunt people who have already attempted and failed to get connection. 4. We will treat you application seriously and give you every hope of feeling part of our exclusive scheme despite there being no change to the local network in the last four years. 5. This offer is for a limited period – we will advise you repeatedly in various forms of marketing media of the next bigger and better offer that can’t apply to you. 6. You need to be told how great these services are and how good life can be – even if there’s no chance your local exchange will ever host more than copper wire and relays from the early sixties.

Nearly done

2005-08-21T20:48:00.000+09:30

Just a bit more friggin' painting to do

and check out those sexy lines...

Language for men

2005-08-19T20:39:00.000+09:30

FINE
This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and
you need to shut up.

FIVE MINUTES
If she is getting dressed, this is half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given 5 more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.

NOTHING
This is the calm before the storm. This means "something," and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with 'Nothing' usually end in "Fine"

GO AHEAD
This is a dare, not permission. Don't do it.

LOUD SIGH
This is not actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A "Loud Sigh" means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you over "Nothing"

THAT'S OKAY
This is one of the most dangerous statements that a woman can make to a man. "That's Okay" means that she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.

THANKS
A woman is thanking you. Do not question it or faint. Just say you're welcome

I've been busy...

2005-08-19T19:58:00.000+09:30

And this should be a clue as to what has kept my ISP account balance so low...

Unlikely to be released real soon

2005-08-19T19:42:00.000+09:30

Reconstituted

2005-08-19T19:24:00.000+09:30

I'd like to dedicate number 16 to my manager, Joe.

1. Since my last report, this employee has reached rock bottom and has started to dig.
2. I would not allow this employee to breed.
3. This employee is really not so much of a has been, but more of a definite won't be.
4. Works well when under constant supervision and cornered like a rat in a trap.
5. When she opens her mouth, it seems that it is only to change feet.
6. This young lady has delusions of adequacy
7. He sets low personal standards and then consistently fails to achieve them.
8. This employee is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot.
9. This employee should go far, and the sooner he starts, the better.
10. Got a full 6-pack, but lacks the plastic thingy to hold it all together.
11. A gross ignoramus - 144 times worse than an ordinary ignoramus.
12. He doesn't have ulcers, but he's a carrier.
13. I would like to go hunting with him sometime.
14. He's been working with glue too much.
15. He would argue with a signpost.
16. He brings a lot of joy whenever he leaves the room.
17. When his IQ reaches 50, he should sell.
18. If you see two people talking and one looks bored, he's the other one.
19. A photographic memory but with the lens cover glued on.
20. A prime candidate for natural de-selection.
21. Donated his brain to science before he was done using it.
22. Gates are down, lights are flashing, but the train isn't coming.
23. He's got two brain cells, one is lost and the other is out looking for it.
24. If he were any more stupid, he'd have to be watered twice a week.
25. If you give him a penny for his thoughts, you'd get change.
26. If you stand close enough to him, you'll hear the ocean.
27. It's hard to believe he beat out 1,000,000 other sperm.
28. One neuron short of a synapse.
29. Some drink from the fountain of knowledge, he's only gargled.
30. Takes him two hours to watch 60-minutes.
31. The wheel is turning, but the hamster is dead.
32. Got into the gene pool when the lifeguard wasn't looking

The web's influence

2005-07-07T21:54:00.000+09:30

More modern reporting...
The ABC are crossing live to an expert providing analysis of the internet. Apparently there no claims on islamic websites.

Who needs reporters

2005-07-07T21:20:00.000+09:30

This news service lets the people tell the story. Remarkably effective too...

There was twisted metal from the train laying on the track which we had to pass as well as injured people who needed urgent medical attention.

A positive?

2005-07-07T21:10:00.000+09:30

LONDON, July 7 (Reuters) - Oil prices fell 3 percent on Thursday after explosions on London's transport system that appeared to be a co-ordinated terrorist attack.

An interesting twist

2005-07-07T20:54:00.000+09:30

Israel says Scotland Yard was warned of possible attack
07/07/2005 - 11:50:51

British police told the Israeli Embassy in London minutes before today’s explosions they had received warnings of possible terror attacks in the city, a senior Israeli official said.

Israel was holding an economic conference near the scene of one of the explosions. Israeli Finance Minister Benjamin Netanyahu was supposed to attend, but the attacks occurred before he arrived.

Just before the blasts, Scotland Yard called the security officer at the Israeli Embassy and said warnings of possible attacks had been received, the official said. He did not say whether British police made any link to the economic conference.

The Israeli ambassador to London said the embassy under state of emergency, with no one allowed to enter or leave.

Blair hasn't held back

2005-07-07T20:37:00.000+09:30

British PM, Tony Blair, has come out and said they were clearly terrorist attacks and has given a ‘complete resolution to defeat terrorism’
The bombings were ‘barbaric, and ‘clearly aimed to coincide with opening of the G8’
‘What ever they do, it is our determination that they we never succeed.’

Internet schminternet

2005-07-07T20:21:00.000+09:30

So where's the inside and up to the second information stream?

London’s transport system has been shut down by a series of explosions (translation = terrorist bombing) and there's bugger all known.
Where's Team America?

They'd be sending a few accusatory WMDs back to Dirkadirkastan by now! Fuck Yeah!

Blind faith of a public servant

2005-06-18T10:24:00.000+09:30

The Grinder has a work colleague who notes every instruction and every movement in his little blue book. The diligence is brought about from an inability to trust. Too many times he’s been burnt; employers, peers, and ex-partners have all done him over.

Today I was sickened by the latest revelations in the Weekend Australian’s report on the Eugene hit-run enquiry. I admit to not following the details too closely but have been watching the police copping it sweet for a variety of shortcomings since the enquiry started.

Being public servants, officers are bound not to speak out; their terms of employment forbid it. They can only go ahead and hope that by sticking to the rules and doing the right thing that it’ll always come out in the wash.

During the last couple of weeks we’ve seen witnesses open up and profess all matter of evidence that trained and experienced police officers failed to introduce to the Eugene McGee trial.

There’s a critical difference in the circumstances of gleaning evidence for an enquiry compared with a police investigations - the implications. Witnesses are a lot more willing to come forward when the consequences don’t involve a term in gaol.

Unfortunately, these officers have no public representation other than what the police department release. Of course the department reports to its minister who answers to public opinion. Fat chance any of these guys will be batting for the sergeants and constables in the field – there are more important big picture issues for them to consider such as their own hides.

Back to today’s article in the paper. It now appears there was an edict from the DPP that the police were not to arrest suspects of major crash investigations because it “created an expectation in the minds of victims that prosecution would follow”.

For weeks the public have been led to wonder why Eugene McGhee wasn’t arrested immediately when found cowering at home after killing cyclist Ian Humphrey. The senior officer in the case, gagged by his employer, is at the centre of the mud slinging and some of the mud is beginning to stick.

Now comes the nauseous part: the DPP has turned the instruction around by saying there was no ‘formal direction’, more an understanding, with ultimate discretion left to the individual police officer.

Fetch my little blue book; I think I’m going to blow chunks.

Love that 'Can do' attitude

2005-06-16T20:00:00.000+09:30

Crevasse ends blind climber's Mt Everest assault

BRISBANE: A blind Australian adventurer's bid to conquer Mount Everest ended when he fell down a crevasse his guide forgot to tell him about.
Gerrard Gosens is back home in Brisbane nursing cuts, bruises and a dislocated shoulder after falling just over three metres into the ice crevasse, more than 7000 metres up the world's highest peak last month.
"My new Sherpa, Pemba, forgot I am blind”

The five questions most feared by men

2005-06-16T19:49:00.000+09:30

1. What are you thinking about?

2. Do you love me?

3. Do I look fat?

4. Do you think she is prettier than me?

5. What would you do if I died?

What makes these questions so difficult is that every one is guaranteed to explode into a major argument if the man answers incorrectly (i.e.,tells thetruth).

Therefore, as a public service, each question is analyzed below, with possible responses.

________________________

Question # 1: What are you thinking about?

The proper answer to this, of course, is: "I'm sorry if I've been pensive, dear. I was just reflecting on what a warm, wonderful, thoughtful, caring, intelligent woman you are, and how lucky I am to have met you."

This response obviously bears no resemblance to the true answer, which most likely is one of the following:

a. Baseball.

b. Football.

c. How fat you are.

d. How much prettier she is than you.

e. How I would spend the insurance money if you died.

Perhaps the best response to this question was offered by Al Bundy, who once told Peg, "If I wanted you to know what I was thinking, I would be talking to you."

___________________________

Question # 2: Do you love me?

The proper response is: "YES!" or, if you feel a more detailed answer is in order, "Yes, dear."

Inappropriate responses include:

a. Oh Yeah, ****-loads.

b. Would it make you feel better if I said yes?

c. That depends on what you mean by love.

d. Does it matter?

e. Who, me?

______________________

Question # 3: Do I look fat?

The correct answer is an emphatic: "Of course not!"

Among the incorrect answers are:

a. Compared to what?

b. I wouldn't call you fat, but you're not exactly thin.

c. A little extra weight looks good on you.

d. I've seen fatter.

e. Could you repeat the question? I was just thinking about how I would spend the insurance money if you died.

_______________________

Question # 4: Do you think she's prettier than me?

Once again, the proper response is an emphatic: "Of course not!"

Incorrect responses include:

a. Yes, but you have a better personality

b. Not prettier, but definitely thinner

c. Not as pretty as you when you were her age

d. Define pretty

e. Could you repeat the question? I was just thinking about how I would spend the insurance money if you died.

________________________

Question # 5: What would you do if I died?

A definite no-win question. (The real answer, of course, is "Buy a Corvette and a boat").

No matter how you answer this, be prepared for at least an hour of follow-up questions, usually along the these lines:

WOMAN: Would you get married again?

MAN: Definitely not!

WOMAN: Why not-don't you like being married?

MAN: Of course I do.

WOMAN: Then why wouldn't you remarry?

MAN: Okay, I'd get married again.

WOMAN: You would? (with a hurtful look on her face)

MAN: ( makes audible groan )

WOMAN: Would you sleep with her in our bed?

MAN: Where else would we sleep?

WOMAN: Would you put away my pictures, and replace them with pictures of her?

MAN: That would seem like the proper thing to do.

WOMAN: And would you let her use my golf clubs?

MAN: She can't use them; she's left-handed.

WOMAN: - - - silence - - -

MAN: sh*t.

Rewarding behaviour

2005-06-16T19:30:00.000+09:30

And it just doesn't stop.

Sydney train-injury man awarded $185,000 payout

SYDNEY: A Sydney man who hit his head on a pole while leaning out of a train carriage, fracturing his skull, has been awarded $185,000 in damages. Scott Grant sued State Rail for negligence over the incident in April, 1987, claiming the carriage doors were faulty and did not close when the train was moving.
Aged 14 at the time, Mr Grant had been sitting on the floor of the carriage with his legs, head and shoulders outside the doorway. He was hit in the head by a pole between Parramatta and Westmead stations. NSW District Court Judge Ann Ainslie-Wallace found Mr Grant and State Rail were equally liable for his injuries, effectively halving Mr Grant's $370,000 payout.
The judge said the way Mr Grant was sitting put him at risk of injury, but State Rail was negligent by failing to ensure the doors were working properly and could not slide open between stations. "It is plain that if the doors of the train did not close while it was moving, there was a risk to passengers of serious harm," she said.

And I meet people everyday who fail to understand the merits of covering their butts from this sort of thing.

Community service

2005-06-16T19:25:00.000+09:30

Guys! Keep this number handy.

Unreal

2005-06-16T19:02:00.000+09:30

Court awards drunken bikie $950,000 in compo
SYDNEY: Peter MacKenzie admits getting drunk, and letting his drunk mate ride his unregistered Harley-Davidson. However, a court ruled this week that he was entitled to compensation of almost $1 million - because he didn't know what he was doing. The Gilgandra man was left a quadriplegic when the motorcycle ran off the Newell Highway with him as a pillion passenger in December 2000. He sued the Nominal Defendant - a division of the Motor Accidents Authority which handles claims when a vehicle is unregistered - and they agreed his claim was worth $4.75 million. However, the trial judge took the rare step of finding Mr Mackenzie 100 per cent responsible for the accident - a decision the Court of Appeal said was unfair. Justice Roger Giles said Mr Mackenzie had had no intention of driving or riding when he started drinking and that an 80 per cent reduction was more "equitable".

I don’t think there’s much comment needed on this outcome.

Taxes hard at work

2005-06-16T18:50:00.000+09:30

Study confirms value of new WorkCover approaches
ADELAIDE: A study examining gender-related issues in workers compensation, rehabilitation and return to work in South Australia, confirms much of the approach being taken by WorkCover to develop new approaches to injury and case management, according to WorkCover CEO Julia Davison.
The study, Gender, Workplace Injury and Return to Work, was conducted by the Working Women's Centre on behalf of the Women's Focus Group (a stakeholder group representing women's issues to WorkCover).
The report identifies a number of gender-specific issues impacting upon work injury and return to work outcomes including the nature of female employment; women's roles outside their work; the experiences they had while injured and receiving compensation; and a lack of awareness of family/work balance issues amongst service providers. It recommends improved data collection, improved analysis of and approaches to the needs of women and training for people providing services in the workers compensation arena.

Lack or awareness or lack or interest – I sometimes get the two confused.

Traffic update

2005-06-11T19:26:00.000+09:30

Looking for images?
This is to help the poor lost souls who have been referred here by their Image search. Obviously there has been some confusion. This normally not the sort of place for lude material such as women in miniskirts or tight shorts or miniskirts or tight shorts. But each to their own.

Sing along with Schapelle

2005-06-10T19:47:00.000+09:30

Don't blame it on the Sunshine,

Don't blame it on the Airline,

Don't blame it on the Bali Nine,

Blame it on the Boogie.

I reckon this is a fake

2005-05-31T20:23:00.000+09:30

One for Acid Man

2005-05-31T20:09:00.000+09:30

Instructions for cleaning the toilet:

1. Lift the lid on the toilet and fill it with 1/8 cup of animal shampoo.

2. Take the cat in your arms and stroke it gently while slowly moving in the direction of the toilet.

3. At a suitable moment, throw the cat into the toilet bowl and close the lid quickly and either stand or sit on the lid.

4. The cat will now start the cleaning process and will generate plenty of foam. Do not be concerned about the loud noises coming from the toilet; your cat is enjoying himself.

5. After several minutes flush the toilet to start the “Power-wash” pre-wash and then flush again for the main wash cycle.

6. Ask someone to open the front door and ensure that no-one is between the toilet and the front door.

7. Get off the toilet seat and from a safe distance open the toilet lid quickly. The cat will dry off naturally due to the high speed he will be moving from the toilet to the front door.

8. The toilet and the cat are now both clean.

With best wishes,

The Dog

Funniest thing

2005-05-30T21:42:00.000+09:30

There were some large cardboard signs posted on the way into Adelaide’s CBD this morning. I wish I’d pulled over and taken a photo…

FREE
CORBY
BALI
SCUM

I nearly had to pull over anyway - from laughing so hard.

A belief system or an excuse for hatred?

2005-05-28T12:08:00.000+09:30

Not being one for in-depth analysis beyond my own navel fluff, I’m somewhat perplexed by the righteousness of Muslims when it comes to the handling of the Koran.

Sure, Islam doesn’t hold the monopoly on righteousness. I like it no more in any other religion.

I’m fortunate enough to live in a reasonably diverse society. It works primarily because people respect other’s beliefs – as too the believers respect another’s not to believe. If someone crosses the line it would be fair to be upset, but only act within acceptable boundaries.

This is where I have the real problem – extremist beliefs operate outside of such boundaries. By their own definition extremists believe in behaving outside of normal or tolerable values.

The other issue is whether the line drawn by some beliefs can itself integrate with others. If I subscribed to a view that no person should own a pet larger that a goldfish in urban areas, it doesn’t give me a right to kill every dog or cat that takes a dump on my front lawn or keeps me awake at night.

I’m allowed my viewpoint and the opportunity to express it in the appropriate forums - that is all.

Even as a law abiding, tax-paying resident of this country, the Government owes me no special courtesy because of my beliefs.

Scurge of South Austrlalia

2005-05-27T21:43:00.000+09:30

The local species of White-Backed Magpie, known locally as the Murray Magpie is an icon of this state. My appreciation of birds in general is marginally higher than that of dolphins; at least they can make a pleasant chirping noise.

I don’t welcome the feathered critters from the sky, nor encourage them. There’s no birdbath or feeder in my backyard. There is a whopping big antenna about 8 metres up that makes a fantastic roost and point to drop turds from – there’s nothing I can do about it except detour around the ‘drop-zone’.

Every now and then a murray magpie will make a mess of one of the windows by nudging its reflection continuously. There are theories it’s threatened by its own reflection or is somehow attracted to the reflection. The end result is a heap of bird crap and a greasy looking window. Again nothing to do but clean it up.

The same happens with car windows, as is the case with the Grinder’s family sedan that is currently banished from the shed while the pergola is being renovated.

I looked at the faded metallic paint job recently and just shook my head at what looked like millions of fine scratches from the local blighter’s claws. Fortunately a bit of spit and elbow grease was a suitable remedy. ‘Go to town birdy’ I thought to myself, ‘Not much else I can do’.

Today the moron of a bird has generated a new cycle of jumping between the family sedan and the Grinder’s shiny new work car. Not so fortunate are the scratches on the work car – right through to the undercoat!

Short of setting up a rat trap (if I recall correctly, a technique patented by Al Bundy many moons ago), there’s not a lot I can do.

Tonight I’ll give the black and white rodent of the sky one last chance; Ive covered the windows with towels to stop the reflections. If this doesn’t work, a short walk will help – straight to the supermarket to purchase a handy dandy spring loaded magpie leg breaker!

Any other suggestions?

Wendy's, Yum!

2005-05-27T20:39:00.000+09:30

SAN JOSE: It took eight weeks, but investigators finally know where the finger came from that a woman, Anna Ayala, claimed to have found in her bowl of chilli at a Wendy’s fast-food outlet in California.

Police said on the weekend the finger came from a man who lost it in an industrial accident and gave it to the husband of Ms Ayala, who then allegedly planted it in the bowl of chilli as a scam.

'Lucky' man

2005-05-27T20:23:00.000+09:30

Fortunately this man was acquitted today...

Court told Victor Harbor cop raped drink-driver

ADELAIDE: A South Australian District Court jury has heard a policeman from Victor Harbor, south of Adelaide, picked up a woman for drink-driving, took her home to his house and raped her. The incident allegedly occurred in March 2001 but the woman waited two years to report it. Policeman Robert Paul Rosser was 50 at the time of the alleged offence. The jury heard he and his partner picked up a woman for drink-driving, she registered well over the limit at 0.196. The jury was told Rosser took the woman back to his Victor Harbor house and kept her locked in there for a period. The court heard on returning to the house he demanded oral sex and when she said “What if I don’t want to?” he allegedly motioned towards his bedside table on which lay a small black hand gun. Prosecutor Sandy McDonald said Rosser raped the woman twice. Rosser has pleaded not guilty to charges of false imprisonment and rape.

Mr Rosser could have done with the Grinder’s new legal protection kit for only $5-95.

Pre-intercourse agreement

I, [insert name] acknowledge that the consent I grant at this time for the purpose of [specify type(s) of intercourse] on this occasion with [insert name] cannot be withdrawn at any time.

I agree that I am responsible for my own actions leading to this agreement and that they have been correctly interpreted as an invitation on my behalf which cannot be omitted from future reference.

I also acknowledge that disclosure of any details of this agreed session of intercourse cannot be divulged to any other party without specific written permission from the other participant.

If, contrary to paragraphs 1, 2, and 3, I choose to seek a review of this contract, I will inform the other party prior to commencement of the abovementioned activities. Participation in said activities in itself will be taken as waiving any right of appeal.

I make this declaration of my own free will and without threat. I acknowledge that while I may be affected by any number of substances or ongoing mental impairment, by signing below I have read and fully understood this agreement.

[Signature of consenting female].

Hoax Warning

2005-05-25T20:53:00.000+09:30

I hate these hoax warnings, but this one is important!

Send this warning to everyone on your e-mail list!

If someone comes to your front door saying they are conducting a survey and asks you to take your clothes off, do not do it!

This is a scam;
They only want to see you naked.

I wish I'd got this yesterday. I feel so stupid and cheap now.........

Thoughts….

2005-05-25T20:27:00.000+09:30

Finally, some time to go online. Premier Rann and his cronies can be hard taskmasters. If I wanted to work 12-hour days I’d have chosen to work in the private sector.

While of the subject of Rann’s cronies, rumour has it this one wants his mug on all of his department’s publications - hardly an appropriate way to spend taxpayer dollars. It is a policy that will further burden productivity for the benefit of promoting a political candidate. Another example of the opportunism that should be funded from the Minister’s own electoral allowance.

Getting pissy now
I’m itching to dial up and here I am waiting for an incoming call from a contractor. I could divert the phone but that’ll cost me. The guy is supposed to ring ‘after seven’, so who knows when or if! (Well I suppose by the time this is posted it’ll be apparent). I’ve already spent an ‘extended time’ in the bathroom tempting fate to make the phone ring.

Wow!

2005-05-21T20:35:00.000+09:30

About two ours ago I sat down and thought I’d give the blogs a bit of a gander before retiring to the lounge with Mrs G and a DVD. Not knowing what inspiration might come forth. Amongst the 100’s of entries neglected in the past weeks was a rare post from Eject! Eject! Eject!

I don’t think I’ve ever read a rant as long as Bill Whittle’s recent post. I was instantly reminded of how his style of writing flows beautifully. It also helps that I couldn’t disagree more than three or four of the 14 000 something words used to convey his sentiments. ‘We got it good and we don’t know how good we got it’, is more my way of putting it. (Grinder to Bill ratio of about 1:1000)

I especially agree with Bill’s view on Dolphins, “while I love and admire* dolphins, I don’t fetishize them. They are highly intelligent, very social creatures, but I do not think we will find them at the edge of the galaxy as astral travellers propelled by advanced spiritual auras.” (*Note, these are the three words I don’t subscribe to - “love and admire”)

And this resonates with my own predicament also “Recently, I was very frustrated at my job. I felt I was not being treated well. Well, actually, I felt I was being screwed, and hard. I was angry and sullen. I had been wronged, you see…”

I too came to similar conclusions: Pull your head in; at the end of the cliché, you haven’t got anything to complain about.

Default Notice

2005-05-01T17:56:00.000+09:30

In case anyone was concerned, GrinderCom will be taking a bit of a break.

I did have a long whiney explanation full of why things should be better but came to my senses before posting it. Injustice is for losers.

Recent events have called for a review of priorities and the Grinder's 2-bit processor is on the verge of a time-out error trying to figure out the answer.

In the mean time I think I'll take some time off and do something a bit Aussie and build a pergola.