Saturday, January 28

Who Killed Bill?

Thankfully Nobody, a hyphen on the blogroll for Eject Eject Eject alerts readers to signs of life. There's no essay but a teaser good enough to keep the hopefuls hanging on a little longer for their next fix.

Friday, January 20

Email fodder

From the rubik cube to the ipod - how far have we really progressed?

In 1981
1. Prince Charles got married
2. Liverpool were crowned soccer Champions of Europe
3. Australia lost the cricket Ashes tournament
4. The Pope died

In 2005

1. Prince Charles got married
2. Liverpool were crowned soccer Champions of Europe
3. Australia lost the cricket Ashes tournament
4. The Pope died

Clearly Prince Charles should not be allowed to remarry.



Don't ask me I just regurgitate the stuff.

Saturday, January 14

Patronised

Well I'll be!
The Zero Movement isn't a genuine blog after all. I've been talking to nothing but an advertising machine - the shame. And I thought I had a new blog buddy with genuine beliefs and a heart.
Excuse me, I think I've got something in my eye.

Sunday, January 8

And so was the joke

A man goes to the zoo
When he gets there, there was only a dog

It was a shitzu.

More fun…

Lets see if this comment gets through to the keeper of ‘the zero movement’:

'There's a new cola on the shelves that epitomises what you're all about. Its called Zero. Have you tried it?'

Some people have to be told

The biggest selling diet book has copped criticism for confusing readers. According to Rosemary Stanton and John Tickell the diet conflicts with other nutritional advice issued by the government.

"They're (dieters) saying why do our dietary guidelines tell us to eat 65 to 100g of lean red meat three to four times a week," Ms Stanton told Macquarie Radio.

“And yet the CSIRO diet says 200g of meat at night and then another 100g of meat, chicken or fish at lunch. What do I do? Which one do I follow?"

What a crisis! People might have to make a decision for themselves. Quick, lets pen a letter to the Prime Minister – this is important.

Saturday, January 7

Having some fun

I have a new friend and he has a blog called the zero movement. I’ve even put him on my blogroll - such wisdom, such inspiration. I’m curious why he hasn’t got a blogroll though.

I’ve heard there are advertising execs posing as bloggers, but nahh couldn’t be. There’s comments and everything. I’ve left a few comments, which strangely enough are moderated – go figure.

I’ve submitted this comment for January 2’s post titled ‘why can't deadlines be flexible?’

“Yeah, zero deadlines! What a concept. What if the world followed such a cool philosophy? Imagine how much work would really get done.
On the plus side there would probably be less advertising polluting the web.”


And

“What are you doing working on a public holiday anyway?”


Anyone else wanna play?

I feel dirty

I went for a stroll to supermarket to stock up on lettuce, cucumber and tinned tuna for Mrs G’s new diet and discovered the latest product to hit the shelves. Despite it being about one and a half k uphill walk I had to lug a two-litre bottle of Coca-Cola Zero back to the sheltered workshop.

Can of coke zero.

The verdict? Not bad – more like the real thing. None of that toothpaste taste of diet coke. It might be premature (I used to think Lime Diet Coke was schmick when it first came out too), but this could be my new drink. There you have it – I like it therefore its destined for an early departure from the shelves.

Here’s a little bit more info about ‘Zero’, though there’s literally zero on Coke’s own Aussie website.

If you have bandwidth to burn go here and play in the cold and ‘Chill in your crib bro’.

And then there’s the coke zero blog. Oh the shame. I’m going to have a hot shower and scrub my skin raw.

Friday, January 6

I don't geddit

Perhaps the day has arrived when the internet has finally solved the problems of the world.

Yes that's right, quite possibly the World's Best Blonde Joke.


What bandwagon?

Wednesday, January 4

Morons

The claim ‘New and Improved’ has always drawn scepticism, how can you improve something if its new? It can only be one or the other.

And here’s the proof. The state government is about to roll out $86M worth of new wheelchair friendly trams. They’re new and definitely NOT improved:

Before:
Trams could be coupled
128 seated
60 standing
188 total

After:
64 seated
109 standing
173 total

Argument:
TransAdelaide general manager Bill Watson said, “There would be plenty of room for passengers to stand and the new trams would have air-conditioning and heating, he said. Capacity would be monitored and extra services could be scheduled if needed.”

However…
However, Mr Watson said there were no plans to alter service patterns and boomgate times would not alter.

See! No improvements here; twice as likely to be standing and no fresh air. Oh and every chance there'll have to be more drivers on shift and increased rail traffic for residents and road users to tolerate.

Tuesday, January 3

Backing up

A spike in the road toll over the Christmas break has sparked the usual debate on road safety. The local motoring association is bleating how there’s not enough being spent on the roads.

The police are making daily appearances with statements like,

‘We are urging motorists to be more careful’

“The carnage must stop."

Meanwhile the state liberal party would publish something on their website if it weren’t sabotaged by hackers.

Motorists are being targeted for all sorts of crimes. In terms of contributing factors the list and percentages are almost as out of control as the number of fatalities. 60% of deaths involve alcohol, 80% high speed, 40% inexperience, 30% drugs, 25% didn’t eat their vegetables…

Actually I predict a new trend – the baby boomers! I believe an increased number of aged drivers will soon appear in the stats and possibly exceed the 16-19 year old bracket.

Back to my point - The safety campaigns have been unyielding and my anecdotal observations are that we are more careful than ever. There would have to be far less speeding and drink-driving than ever before. Vehicles offer passenger protection that would have defied all imagination 25 years ago. So why are so many lives being lost? (Though in comparison tobacco and prostate cancer might make the figures pale into insignificance)

All except for one factor – there’s a load more cars doing a load more km everyday. Risk is increasing with congestion and exposure. Unless the number of motorists and distance travelled is limited you can only expect worse consequences.

I’m tired of the blame game and over-policing putting pressure on the motorist. Back off boffins.

Sunday, January 1

Respec!

The Australian red-back spider cops a nasty bite, however there’s always been that claim that the ‘Daddy longlegs’ (Pholcus phalangioides) was more venomous, only it doesn’t pose a threat to humans because it cant pierce the skin.

I’d also heard that they prey on other spiders such as the red-back but had never believed it, until I saw this specimen out by the back door this arvo…

Photos: 1 2 3 4

HNY

Judging by the conditions outside there’ll be no practising the golf swing today. Actually it is far from a swing; more like a series of unnatural and uncoordinated twitches resulting in spasms of pain and unpredictable behaviour.

I’ll just have to research the perfect swing instead. Hmm, only 64 simple steps to having a good grip, stance, back swing, down swing and follow through (which is fine as long as I don't touch cloth). Judging by the amount of information out there, I’m beginning to suspect the perfect swing is as common as sasquatch.

Of course my true motivation is to spend less time on search and recovery of little white balls but I think that in the process I’m quickly removing the joy from what was supposed to be a few hours away from it all.

Maybe I’ll stick with my original approach with no scorecard and plenty of spare balls.