Tuesday, May 31

I reckon this is a fake

One for Acid Man

Instructions for cleaning the toilet:

1. Lift the lid on the toilet and fill it with 1/8 cup of animal shampoo.

2. Take the cat in your arms and stroke it gently while slowly moving in the direction of the toilet.

3. At a suitable moment, throw the cat into the toilet bowl and close the lid quickly and either stand or sit on the lid.

4. The cat will now start the cleaning process and will generate plenty of foam. Do not be concerned about the loud noises coming from the toilet; your cat is enjoying himself.

5. After several minutes flush the toilet to start the “Power-wash” pre-wash and then flush again for the main wash cycle.

6. Ask someone to open the front door and ensure that no-one is between the toilet and the front door.

7. Get off the toilet seat and from a safe distance open the toilet lid quickly. The cat will dry off naturally due to the high speed he will be moving from the toilet to the front door.

8. The toilet and the cat are now both clean.

With best wishes,

The Dog

Monday, May 30

Funniest thing

There were some large cardboard signs posted on the way into Adelaide’s CBD this morning. I wish I’d pulled over and taken a photo…


I nearly had to pull over anyway - from laughing so hard.

Saturday, May 28

A belief system or an excuse for hatred?

Not being one for in-depth analysis beyond my own navel fluff, I’m somewhat perplexed by the righteousness of Muslims when it comes to the handling of the Koran.

Sure, Islam doesn’t hold the monopoly on righteousness. I like it no more in any other religion.

I’m fortunate enough to live in a reasonably diverse society. It works primarily because people respect other’s beliefs – as too the believers respect another’s not to believe. If someone crosses the line it would be fair to be upset, but only act within acceptable boundaries.

This is where I have the real problem – extremist beliefs operate outside of such boundaries. By their own definition extremists believe in behaving outside of normal or tolerable values.

The other issue is whether the line drawn by some beliefs can itself integrate with others. If I subscribed to a view that no person should own a pet larger that a goldfish in urban areas, it doesn’t give me a right to kill every dog or cat that takes a dump on my front lawn or keeps me awake at night.

I’m allowed my viewpoint and the opportunity to express it in the appropriate forums - that is all.

Even as a law abiding, tax-paying resident of this country, the Government owes me no special courtesy because of my beliefs.

Friday, May 27

Scurge of South Austrlalia

The local species of White-Backed Magpie, known locally as the Murray Magpie is an icon of this state. My appreciation of birds in general is marginally higher than that of dolphins; at least they can make a pleasant chirping noise.

I don’t welcome the feathered critters from the sky, nor encourage them. There’s no birdbath or feeder in my backyard. There is a whopping big antenna about 8 metres up that makes a fantastic roost and point to drop turds from – there’s nothing I can do about it except detour around the ‘drop-zone’.

Every now and then a murray magpie will make a mess of one of the windows by nudging its reflection continuously. There are theories it’s threatened by its own reflection or is somehow attracted to the reflection. The end result is a heap of bird crap and a greasy looking window. Again nothing to do but clean it up.

The same happens with car windows, as is the case with the Grinder’s family sedan that is currently banished from the shed while the pergola is being renovated.

I looked at the faded metallic paint job recently and just shook my head at what looked like millions of fine scratches from the local blighter’s claws. Fortunately a bit of spit and elbow grease was a suitable remedy. ‘Go to town birdy’ I thought to myself, ‘Not much else I can do’.

Today the moron of a bird has generated a new cycle of jumping between the family sedan and the Grinder’s shiny new work car. Not so fortunate are the scratches on the work car – right through to the undercoat!

Short of setting up a rat trap (if I recall correctly, a technique patented by Al Bundy many moons ago), there’s not a lot I can do.

Tonight I’ll give the black and white rodent of the sky one last chance; Ive covered the windows with towels to stop the reflections. If this doesn’t work, a short walk will help – straight to the supermarket to purchase a handy dandy spring loaded magpie leg breaker!

Any other suggestions?

Wendy's, Yum!

SAN JOSE: It took eight weeks, but investigators finally know where the finger came from that a woman, Anna Ayala, claimed to have found in her bowl of chilli at a Wendy’s fast-food outlet in California.

Police said on the weekend the finger came from a man who lost it in an industrial accident and gave it to the husband of Ms Ayala, who then allegedly planted it in the bowl of chilli as a scam.

'Lucky' man

Fortunately this man was acquitted today...

Court told Victor Harbor cop raped drink-driver

ADELAIDE: A South Australian District Court jury has heard a policeman from Victor Harbor, south of Adelaide, picked up a woman for drink-driving, took her home to his house and raped her. The incident allegedly occurred in March 2001 but the woman waited two years to report it. Policeman Robert Paul Rosser was 50 at the time of the alleged offence. The jury heard he and his partner picked up a woman for drink-driving, she registered well over the limit at 0.196. The jury was told Rosser took the woman back to his Victor Harbor house and kept her locked in there for a period. The court heard on returning to the house he demanded oral sex and when she said “What if I don’t want to?” he allegedly motioned towards his bedside table on which lay a small black hand gun. Prosecutor Sandy McDonald said Rosser raped the woman twice. Rosser has pleaded not guilty to charges of false imprisonment and rape.

Mr Rosser could have done with the Grinder’s new legal protection kit for only $5-95.

Pre-intercourse agreement

I, [insert name] acknowledge that the consent I grant at this time for the purpose of [specify type(s) of intercourse] on this occasion with [insert name] cannot be withdrawn at any time.

I agree that I am responsible for my own actions leading to this agreement and that they have been correctly interpreted as an invitation on my behalf which cannot be omitted from future reference.

I also acknowledge that disclosure of any details of this agreed session of intercourse cannot be divulged to any other party without specific written permission from the other participant.

If, contrary to paragraphs 1, 2, and 3, I choose to seek a review of this contract, I will inform the other party prior to commencement of the abovementioned activities. Participation in said activities in itself will be taken as waiving any right of appeal.

I make this declaration of my own free will and without threat. I acknowledge that while I may be affected by any number of substances or ongoing mental impairment, by signing below I have read and fully understood this agreement.

[Signature of consenting female].

Wednesday, May 25

Hoax Warning

I hate these hoax warnings, but this one is important!

Send this warning to everyone on your e-mail list!

If someone comes to your front door saying they are conducting a survey and asks you to take your clothes off, do not do it!

This is a scam;
They only want to see you naked.

I wish I'd got this yesterday. I feel so stupid and cheap now.........


Finally, some time to go online. Premier Rann and his cronies can be hard taskmasters. If I wanted to work 12-hour days I’d have chosen to work in the private sector.

While of the subject of Rann’s cronies, rumour has it this one wants his mug on all of his department’s publications - hardly an appropriate way to spend taxpayer dollars. It is a policy that will further burden productivity for the benefit of promoting a political candidate. Another example of the opportunism that should be funded from the Minister’s own electoral allowance.

Getting pissy now
I’m itching to dial up and here I am waiting for an incoming call from a contractor. I could divert the phone but that’ll cost me. The guy is supposed to ring ‘after seven’, so who knows when or if! (Well I suppose by the time this is posted it’ll be apparent). I’ve already spent an ‘extended time’ in the bathroom tempting fate to make the phone ring.

Saturday, May 21


About two ours ago I sat down and thought I’d give the blogs a bit of a gander before retiring to the lounge with Mrs G and a DVD. Not knowing what inspiration might come forth. Amongst the 100’s of entries neglected in the past weeks was a rare post from Eject! Eject! Eject!

I don’t think I’ve ever read a rant as long as Bill Whittle’s recent post. I was instantly reminded of how his style of writing flows beautifully. It also helps that I couldn’t disagree more than three or four of the 14 000 something words used to convey his sentiments. ‘We got it good and we don’t know how good we got it’, is more my way of putting it. (Grinder to Bill ratio of about 1:1000)

I especially agree with Bill’s view on Dolphins, “while I love and admire* dolphins, I don’t fetishize them. They are highly intelligent, very social creatures, but I do not think we will find them at the edge of the galaxy as astral travellers propelled by advanced spiritual auras.” (*Note, these are the three words I don’t subscribe to - “love and admire”)

And this resonates with my own predicament also “Recently, I was very frustrated at my job. I felt I was not being treated well. Well, actually, I felt I was being screwed, and hard. I was angry and sullen. I had been wronged, you see…”

I too came to similar conclusions: Pull your head in; at the end of the cliché, you haven’t got anything to complain about.

Sunday, May 1

Default Notice

In case anyone was concerned, GrinderCom will be taking a bit of a break.

I did have a long whiney explanation full of why things should be better but came to my senses before posting it. Injustice is for losers.

Recent events have called for a review of priorities and the Grinder's 2-bit processor is on the verge of a time-out error trying to figure out the answer.

In the mean time I think I'll take some time off and do something a bit Aussie and build a pergola.