Tuesday, April 26

On the nose

If unwashed nylon footy socks upsets your nasal passages, imagine what a school uniform made of US designed Spectra polyethylene fibre would do.

“Afraid that bad men are out to stab their children - a fear made more palpable after the 2001 slashing deaths of eight students in school by a madman – [Japanese] parents now have a defence in knife-resistant clothing.”

Friday, April 22

What gets up my goat

I’ve already mentioned my observations of how expensive it is to operate a government with a high degree of probity, accountability and transparency. Well today’s lesson is about the cost of spin.

We now have ministerial liaison officers running around to assist with the demand of answering to a politically appointed overseer. Their role is to shape the organisation into a more responsive machine to wait on the minister hand and foot. They don’t actually get off their asses and help write the stuff – just send it back again and again for reworking.

Several times this year I’ve had to cancel my plans and drop everything productive to put together a positive report on recent projects so a minister can big note themselves for my hard work.

People should be able to see the results of a job well done for themselves. If a pollie needs to blow their own horn about it, then there’s automatically a credibility issue.

It would appear that processing the mountains of mundane paperwork isn’t enough. People have to run special projects with exciting outcomes; the rest just isn’t sexy. When’s the last time a minister said something like “My department is quietly going about its business like a well oiled machine.”

The resources that are sucked into this political opportunism are another hidden cost of hard sell government. Time taken should be billed to their election expense accounts.

Victims Incorporated

Cop a read of this…

Ticket inspectors win victory for safer conditions
ADELAIDE: Sixty train ticket inspectors who were assaulted a total of 600 times have claimed a major victory in a safety campaign against Workplace Services and TransAdelaide.

TransAdelaide, which operates suburban train services, was ordered by the Industrial Relations Court to cease the work practice known as "platform hopping" because of assaults over the past four years at train stations.

Instead of alighting at suburban platforms and waiting for another train, inspectors would now return to a terminus.

SA Unions secretary Janet Giles said inspectors had been assaulted, verbally abused, spat at, and pelted with objects. On March 7, a health and safety representative served a notice on TransAdelaide in relation to the "platform hopping" practice.



These guys have copped an average of 10 assaults each over four years and they’re worried about waiting on a platform while in uniform? Surely there are more serious issues than banning one work practice. Of course it’s not clear when the 600 assaults were even related to ‘platform hopping’.

Maybe, just maybe, there’s a problem with how the business of ticket compliance is being handled. Cultural issues perhaps?

Is it a coincidence these union members are adverse to a practice that might have them checking more tickets on more trains more effectively?

A new platform for Janet Giles, union pest.

It's a Bird! No It's a plane! No it's a fire extinghisher?!?


Woman killed in freak fire extinguisher accident

SOUTH TARANAKI: A freak accident at a New Zealand truck and transport business claimed the life of a 32-year-old woman, hit in the head by a flying fire extinguisher on Saturday. New Zealand Occupational Health and Safety experts said the valve of the fire extinguisher was damaged when it fell over - or was knocked over - and the sudden discharge of high pressure gas sent the cylinder spinning, then flying. It punctured the lower leg of a 54-year-old man while on the ground, then
flew through the air, hitting the woman in the head and smashing through a corrugated plastic window high in the wall. The woman died at the scene.

Ouch!

Guess who?

"Users are warned that there may be words and descriptions which may be culturally sensitive and which might not normally be used in certain public or community contexts. Terms and annotations which reflect the author's attitude or that of the period in which the item was written may be considered inappropriate today in some circumstances."


This maybe something you’d expect to flash up at some of the more offensive blogs. Have a quick Google and see who appears. [Tip: try the 'Similar pages' option for an optimised experience.]

Back in my day…

Grindling #1 was proudly showing how he’d learnt to make a booklet from a single piece of paper. When asked who taught him he replied, “A relief teacher taught me.”
“I didn’t know relief teachers could teach you anything.”
“Yes they can, they can teach whatever the other teacher tells them.”
“When I went to school, relief teachers didn’t teach anything”
“But Daddy you went to school in the olden days”

Mrs G took the kids to town on the train today to visit the museum. The Adelaide museum is now much more correct than in ‘the olden days’.

[Of course here in Adelaide we don’t dedicate enough exhibition space to Dreamtime Inc and the SA Museum needs to commit a majority of the place to Aboriginal Culture. Fortunately tucked away in a small corner here and there were a few of the less PC favourites such as mummies and pyramids and the like.]

Grindling #1 has always been a troubled soul – worrying too much about inconsequential matters (and no doubt will have his own blog before too long).

He chose to wear his white New York City t-shirt. He justified his wardrobe selection to his mother on the way in to town, “I’m wearing this shirt because its white, so if I fall off the train the train driver will see me.”

At the age of six, I don’t recall having the same troubles on my shoulders. Things must have been different in the olden days.

Fifty Dollars

Morris and his wife Esther went to the state fair every year, and every year Morris would say, "Esther, I’d like to ride in that helicopter."

Esther always replied, "I know Morris, but that helicopter ride is 50 dollars and 50 dollars is 50 dollars."

One year Esther and Morris went to the fair, and Morris said" Esther I’m 85 years old. If I don't ride that helicopter, I might never get another chance."

Esther replied "Morris that helicopter is 50 dollars and 50 dollars is 50 dollars."

The pilot over heard the couple and said," folks I’ll make you a deal I’ll take the both of you for a ride. If you can stay quiet for the entire ride and not say a word I won't charge you! But if you say one word, it's 50 dollars".

Morris and Esther agreed and up they went. The pilot did all kinds of fancy manoeuvres, but not a word was heard. He did his dare daredevil tricks over and over again, but still not a word. When they landed, the pilot turned to Morris and said, "by golly, I did everything I could to get you to yell out, but you didn't. I'm impressed!"

Morris replied "well, I was going to say something when Esther fell out, but 50 dollars is 50 dollars."

Wednesday, April 20

A flat white

The next time you’re spooning a fix of Pablo Instant or Caterers Blend into your favourite thermal receptacle spare a thought for those not privileged enough to be tied to a job, taxation, or social responsibilities.

Prisoners to run jail coffee shop

INMATES will run a Gloria Jean's Coffee store behind bars, in an Australian-first partnership aimed at getting prisoners back into work and the community.

The corporate coffee giant has built a store inside the visiting section of the Dillwynia Correctional Centre, in Sydney's west, where female inmates will sell coffee to visitors and staff.

"The Minister should be more concerned with fixing the prison staffing crisis than fixing cafe lattes."Mr Humpherson said in a statement today.



All I can say is don’t drink the frothy milk.

Things that haunt me

As the effects of a mild sedative wear off, the vague recollections of things that shouldn’t have been said at yesterday’s staff meeting are beginning to return.

The prospect of eluding the repercussions looks unlikely; a) because a return to work is eminent, and b) the increasing retrospectivity of the law such as this example in Buenos Aires:

Rocker charged for wanting a joint... over a decade ago
Argentine rocker Andres Calamaro was charged for saying he would like to smoke marijuana - over 10 years ago.
"I feel so good that I could smoke a joint," Calamaro told a crowd of 100,000 fans on November 19, 1994 in La Plata, 50 kilometres south of Buenos Aries.
Calamaro, 43, thought he was off the hook in 1995 when a group of enraged parents hauled him before a judge, who dismissed the charges of justifying a crime.
It took over 10 years for the parents to find a less tolerant judge.
"This trial is absurd, it's Kafkaesque," Calamaro's lawyer, Jose Stefanuolo told reporters and a crowd of fans who came to support the rocker.
The lawyer said he will try to get the case dismissed.
If that does not work, he will invoke the statute of limitations.

- AFP

Tuesday, April 19

SWF puzzle thing

A friend sent me this link today. You can rate yourself by how many items you find.

0-6 items, your IQ is very low, total idoit
6-8 items, Low IQ, u r an idoit
9-10 items, u r normal
11-12 items, your IQ is high, above the average.
13 items found and get out of the room, there are less than 4000 people in
the world can do it.


I was happy with 11 before resorting to the cheats option.

Monday, April 18

More road rules for SA

The law has made an ass of itself again and those that know best have decided we need more laws to fix a growing trend in hit and run accidents.

Prominent Adelaide lawyer and ex-police officer, Eugene McGee recently escaped a goal sentence after downing nearly a whole bottle of plonk (if not more) at lunch and killing a cyclist while driving shortly after. He fled the scene and thought only to ring his lawyer when he got home. According to the courts, he was guilty of failing to render assistance.

The police sergeant responsible for Mr McGee’s arrest smelt the booze in his four-wheel-drive six hours after the event but was reluctant to do a blood alcohol test because he was unfamiliar with recently changed forensic legislation.

The man drank enough alcohol to impair his judgement, hopped in his car, killed a cyclist, and fled the scene. Surely there are enough laws to cover this!

It’s not the laws that need a review – it’s the arbiTRATOR sitting at the head of the court. Where is the reasonable doubt that Mr McGee recklessly ignored his responsibilities as a motorist. He proved it twice; drink-driving and fleeing the accident without even stopping.

When exactly did he lose reasonable control of his own thoughts? Never – his background and training kicked in and he took the best action possible to protect himself legally.

Two couples were playing poker

Two couples were playing poker one evening. John accidentally dropped some cards on the floor. When he bent down under the table to pick them up, he noticed Bill's wife Sue wasn't wearing any underwear under her dress! Shocked by this, John upon trying to sit back up again, hit his head on the table and emerged red-faced.

Later, John went to the kitchen to get some refreshments. Bill's wife followed and asked, "Did you see anything that you liked under there?" Surprised by her boldness, John courageously admitted that, well indeed he did.
She said, " Well, you can have it but it will cost you $500."
After taking a minute or two to assess the financial and moral costs of this offer, John confirms that he is interested. She tells him that since her husband Bill works Friday afternoons and John doesn't, John should be at her house around 2 p.m. Friday afternoon.

When Friday rolled around, John showed up at Bill's house at 2 p.m. sharp and after paying Sue the agreed sum of $500 they went to the bedroom and closed their transaction, as agreed. John quickly dressed and left.

As usual, Bill came home from work at 6 p.m. and upon entering the house, asked his wife abruptly. "Did John come by the house this afternoon?"
With a lump in her throat Sue answered "Why yes, he did stop by for a few minutes this afternoon."

Her heart nearly skipped a beat when her husband curtly asked, "And did he give you $500?"
In terror she assumed that somehow he had found out and after mustering her best poker face, replied, "Well, yes, in fact he did give me $500."

Bill, with a satisfied look on his face, surprised his wife by saying, "Good, I was hoping he did. John came by the office this morning and borrowed $500 from me. He promised me he'd stop by our house this afternoon on his way home and pay me back."

Sunday, April 17

Waiting for the inspiration to flow

… … tick… tick…

I know, how about some really lame links…

My printer isn’t working and mouse is stuck!

I’m practically out of my mind.

And I’m running low on gratuitous chick pictures

Time might be better spent on a work powerpoint presentation.

Friday, April 15

A special moment

Well I’ll be! 30,000 hits. A shame most of it was the result of a few images that rated well on various European derivatives of Google.

April may be the one month GrinderCom stays within contracted ISP limits. Adequate blogging will resume shortly. Its nice to know someone cares – it’s okay I wont tell.

Two birds

The following item has two purposes; it counts as a post and it replies to an email from The Chief.

Dude,
I know this sounds trite coming from an inveterate bludger such as myself, but what's happening with the blog? Speaking of what's happening, what's happened to the Hudster?

Cheers, CB



Well I wish I could divulge the exciting reason for abandonment of GrinderCom. I really do. But I’ll stick to the well-worn line of ‘Work and family commitments’.

As for Willy G Hudster, well rumour has it he has either:

a) Taken up a detailed exercise and diet regime and committed every spare moment to his well being, or

b) Is at home awaiting delivery of a custom sized strap on prodder. Having suffered multiple cerebral aneurisms his pallid limbs stick out awkwardly from his undersized wheelchair. Only his eyes glint with the thoughts he one day hopes to tap into an accessibility-enabled keyboard.

Wednesday, April 6

Realisation

Since its installation in January, the Miss Indy Race Team calendar has been a well referenced and appreciated tool in the Grinder’s sheltered workshop. Only this morning did I realise not once has it been used it to check the date.

How sad am I

On Saturday night Mrs G took to the casino with friends leaving yours truly to get up to a little mischief. With no one around, the modem was soon purring with its connection to the world wide web.

A few bevvies later, my credit card escapes from captivity and is leaving a trail of reckless expenditure.

So where did the dough go? What was the riveting URL that held the landline open for nearly a months worth of download limit in just one night?

Choice Magazine.

So much to learn about dishwashers, washing machines, espresso machines, school savings plans and reverse mortgages… er… oh….sorry….please excuse me.

I am ashamed of myself.

Unexpected error

Blogger has been experiencing some unscheduled downtime. “Unexpected error” … quite a misnomer from the bloggers perspective.

Friday, April 1

Stolen goods

This reminds me of a former work colleague, thort she wuz good with 'puters 'n stuff:

I believe five out of four people have trouble with fractions

There's more cut and paste material at Chief Bastard's place.

April fools

Today it was too hard to distinguish between the crass and predictable stunts played by morning crew radio stations and the specially programmed April Fools pranks.

Likewise it might by Friday night, but I still find myself rubbing sleep from my eyes with confusion as I read this:

I’ve had to review the amount of time running a blog consumes, and due to increased business pressures and other committments on my time I may have to follow the lead of a few others and wind up the Daily Diatribe. I’m not a fan of long-winded goodbyes, so it’s been fun. Ta Ta.

It can't be true, NOOOOOoooooo!

Shameless plug

A friend has spent way too much of his time tapping away at his computer and after several years has this to show for it.

I don’t know much about CTP (I thought it was a type of vehicle insurance), never mind civ gaming, but it looks like the result of an all-consuming passion.

Go visit the promo page for Ages of Man and if you know what its all about, buy yourself a copy and make Stan a happy man.