Saturday, February 26

Here puss puss puss

I know a cat like this.

"…when Mickey emerged from the basement-area of the home, it was “ ... a different animal ... it looked as though it was possessed.”

"Ears flat back, hair standing on end and eyes bulging, Mickey lunged across the dining room and attacked her daughter, biting through her jeans and slicing into her leg.

"When the cat released its grip, it continued coming at the girl, shrieking and hissing.

“I had to intervene ... he was coming right at her again,” the mother recalled.

"The husband arrived home a short time later and managed to corner the cat in the living room until his wife and two children could sneak out the back door to safety.

“So I stood there having a stare-off with this cat for 20 minutes until the officer arrived,” he said, adding that both animal control and police were called to the scene.

"While it ran wildly around the interior of the brick bungalow, the cat continued shrieking and began defecating throughout the home.
"


Friends and relatives that visit Grinder Senior’s house know all to well about Jimmy the attack-cat.

Jimmy is a slick Siamese with a goatee who was raised on a diet of tomato sauce and regular taunting. My old man adopted him after my brother got bored with dying Jimmy blue and leaving him locked in a single bedroom flat for weeks on end.

Progress

About two years ago local government closed the Grinders’ favourite Chinese restaurant. The restaurant was positioned on the edge of a local beach looking across Gulf Saint Vincent. For entertainment, a jetty in the foreground was the social hub of the locals, no matter what the weather.

The restaurant itself wasn’t especially gourmet. The food was good, the prices and service were excellent. It was the ever-reliable place to go for family celebrations and had an excellent trade in takeaway.

So why close it down? A bit slow on the rent? Roaches? Building works?
Nup! In an amazing piece of social engineering, the council decided it would find a better use for the restaurant and would not extend the lease. There was talk of relocating the RSL to this prime spot, but nothing was ever confirmed.

The building remains empty nearly two years later and the business owners have started over somewhere else in a building owned by an investor rather than a team of self appointed do-gooders.

Tonight we finally dared to seek out a replacement venue. (I can only imagine how much extra weight I’d be carting around if I had been patronising a local Chinese restaurant for the last couple of years.) So we went local, arterial roadside and neon lit.

There’s no gulf view, no local teenage waitresses, and no jetty activities. However the nosh is good, the service courteous, and the prices reasonable. There’s a fish tank for the kids and a backlit photograph of some international city for the adults to ponder.

About the only other thing to do was to check out the other diners and the stream of people collecting their takeaway orders.

Most of the takeaway patrons arrived in 10-20 year old Australian made station wagons. No doubt the kids had been playing sport all day and were at home tearing the place apart waiting for their tea. If a health study was to have been done on the profile of these fatty-boombahs rolling in for their foil tubs o’ goodness, the results would have been grim. In fact I think I know why very few of these places have alfresco dining; the footpaths just aren’t wide enough to seat these suburban eating machines.

The diners represented a few other social situations.
The couple near the window LOOKED like a father and daughter on an access visit – but I could be wrong.

Nearby, was a couple in their forties, kind of tired looking and washed out. She was wearing a newish white t-shirt and a black bra underneath. The shirt sported some punch line about being a bitch

And then there was the couple in their mid thirties near the servery. He had cleanish jeans and a short-sleeved shirt. She had makeup, a tight low cut red blouse and a beret! Say no more – thirty something and still dating – good luck to them.

Over all, the dining experience was pleasant enough. These days, eating out with family is getting better. The kids are a little more independent; no more spoon-feeding, no ducking out for nappy changes, and fewer tantrums. I think this is what the call that good stage. It won’t be long before the hormones kick in and their interest will shift from strawberry sundaes and fanta to fast cars and late nights free of parental supervision.

So as they say, “Life doesn’t get any better than this”.

Poll

Chief Bastard stumbled across this poll on the Australian Green’s website (left side of home page). It would appear the majority of respondents support the participation of the Australian Defence Force in Iraq.

My guess it it’s not the results they were hoping for. In fact since when do you see disclaimers like this:

"The poll is not scientific and reflects only the opinions of those users who chose to participate. The results should not be considered representative of either users opinions in general, or the public as a whole."

Perhaps you’d like to pay a visit and make your own contribution.

Wednesday, February 23

A.F.A.

(Another f_ing acronym)

BOBFOC
Body Off Baywatch, Face Off Crimewatch.

Monday, February 21

Another lefty trait

J F provides what is a common explanation for posting anonymously amongst the right wing set. Being anything right of centre can be risky in front of the wrong crowd.

But why is it acceptable to openly bash big business, to tear shreds from America, or poo poo Howard when standing around the water cooler?

It came to me tonight while bored out of my mind in front of the box with the kids making the normal commotion around the corner. The lefty way = the childish way. And like the childish mind; the lefty is entirely self-centred and self-absorbed.

So there you have it. We (a majority if the last federal election was any kind of indicator) are a tolerant mob. Just as kids are given time to learn for themselves; the rampant outbreaks of do-gooder consensus in public places is best left like two dogs…

Reassurance is found easy enough. Look for the colleagues NOT joining in the banter. They’re out there; they have possessions, a mortgaged house, responsibilities and the realisation that the best manager of their destiny is themselves.

Saturday, February 19

I shot the sheriff

(but I swear it was in self-defence)

I’m convinced whatever it was that attacked me earlier this week was trying to kill me and by Thursday morning I was beginning to think it might win.

Slowly my faculties are returning and my senses are readjusting.
I feel great, but everything is to be taken in small steps today. The calendar has moved forward and left me behind. Some significant deadlines have marched a week closer, but unlike some, I wont let work ethics get in the way of adequacy.

Friday, February 18

It’s nice to be (on the way) back

Today is the first time this week that my temperature has been below 38 (100) degrees. This morning also marks the first time I was able to keep my eyes closed for more than forty minutes; I actually slept for 3 hours straight.

I’m almost ready to sit up and watch Toy Story.
I'm almost ready to eat solids.

Monday, February 14

Uuurgh

I Grinder, hereby apply for 01 days leave for the purpose of curling up in some dim corner and groaning to myself for a while. During this time I will be unfit for duties and otherwise occupied feeling sorry for myself.

Applicant's Signature

GRINDER 14/02/2005

Guilty as charged

ASSMOSIS.

The process by which people seem to absorb success and
advancement by sucking up to the boss rather than working hard.


And who would know it could be so effective.

Worldwide opportunity

Need cash?
Do you have web-publishing skills?
Do you dislike bleeding hearts that put the lives of animals above their own?

Try global blackmail.

This dude is trying to raise $50k US by threatening to eat a cutesy widdle wabbit named Toby, if he doesn’t raise the dosh. He’s already pulled in over $14,000.

If the money doesn’t come through in time he’s going to “take Toby to a butdher and have him slaughter this cute bunny”

Allrroight!!!

The DEADline is June 30, 2005. Put it in your calendar. Heh, heh, heh.

Sunday, February 13

In da house

Yo gotta check dis Gizoogle out!
Lifted with respec from dis guy - ask no questions mo fo!

eg

"Welcome B-to-tha-izzack pimp . Boom bam as I step in the jam, God damn. One, two three and to tha four. How low can GrinderCom go?"

"GrinderCom was linked last niznight by a dawg who's site is 'bout ta tizzay over 1.5M visits. ..."

Saturday, February 12

Get the Guvment to fix it

The Federal Government was unsuccessful in its efforts to prevent suspected terrorist Mamdouh Habib from being paid to do an interview on Sixty Minutes.

Well duhh! He wasn’t convicted, and certainly not in this country. Maybe Sixty Minutes should be strung up for financing Habib’s cause.

In reality there are two things that can be done:
- Don’t watch the show.
- Remember how ruthless sixty minutes can be.

Making the world a better place.

Blogger’s commenting service is cumbersome and as reliable as Blogger itself. If you’re a blogger and you use Blogger’s built-in comments, ditch them and use a much superior free service. PLEASE!

What I enjoy about blogs

PROF Bunyip is a legendary Oz blogger. His writing is a gift that he shares through his irregular and much anticipated posts. Here’s an example why:


And another drink? Well, yes indeed, and why not? It's hardly midnight, and do you think you could hit that hubcap down there if I got the gun.

What hubcap?

The one hanging from the tree.

What tree?

Perhaps we shouldn't have opened that last bottle.

Nonsense.

Bang, bang, but no clang. A sudden strong wind must have sprung up, because the hub cab was bobbing and weaving and proving very hard to fix in a firm focus, let alone to hit. The Professor was just at the point of ordering Young Master Bunyip to go down there and hold the bloody thing still, when the noise brought out the girls, all talk of flock wallpaper and fashionable raincoats forgotten in a rush to put that instinctive feminine crimp on manly pleasures.

Then YMB put three bullets straight through it, announced that drunks shouldn't be allowed to handle firearms and waltzed off with the rifle to the acclaim of the womenfolk, who fairly had him preening with their chatter about what is it with men and guns?, and just as well your father isn't driving you home tonight and aren't you a sensible and responsible young man. At which point Mrs. Bunyip placed her glass on a table that wasn't there, and everyone had a good laugh until the sound of further shots revealed that YMB had taken the weapon in order not to share it. Three more clangs and it was time to get stern. Children shouldn't be allowed to handle firearms late at night when other people have been drinking, especially if they are better shots than their fathers.

Spectacular quote of the day

“A bunch of lefties smearing the reputation of a former police commissioner is hardly appropriate”
- Alexander Downer talking to ABC News in response to today’s Rau rally here in SA

I could do well at this

SEAGULL MANAGER.
A manager who flies in, makes a lot of noise, craps on everything, and then leaves.

Wednesday, February 9

Welcome back taxpayer

Congratulations to Mike for winning himself a job and screwing his new employer for an extra $4k salary at the same time. A well deserved 37th birthday present.
Good stuff.

Daily download killer

Here's one of those funny internet movie things that takes longer to load than enjoy. If you're dripping in bandwith (ie at work) give it a burl. The sound track makes it, so fuggedit if you don't have sound. (The exercise bike scene gets the prize)

Vocab building

Continuing the theme of staff meetings and posting lame stuff from my inbox...

BLAMESTORMING.
Sitting around in a group, discussing why a deadline was missed or a project failed, and who was responsible.

Inbox fodder

I cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdenieg. The phaonemneal pweor of the hmuan mnid Aodccrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it dnsoe't mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit a porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae the hmuan mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Azmanig huh? yaeh and I awlyas tghuoht slpeling was ipmorantt

Agenda template

IF last night’s dining experience wasn’t sickening enough, today’s combined three and a half hour staff meeting was a true test of endurance. Around fifty field staff were given a free-for-all when the chairman failed to keep the meeting to the official agenda.

The result, as you will see, could be useful as a template for other workplaces.

1. Welcome & Apologies
2. Minutes of previous meeting
3. Executive report
4. Office accommodation (complaints and whinges by staff)
5. Company cars (staff protests and squeals about cut backs)
6. IT developments – staff ‘input’
- whinges about how the new technology they lobbied for is crap
- pie-in-the-sky calls for getting the next generation of technology
- ideas and proposals to make their lives easier
7. Personal (un)allotted time for employee X to vent his grievances
8. Problems with forms and office procedures
9. Fire warden training (lack of)
10. Allocation of mobile phones
11. Complaint that phones aren’t compatible with laptops (go back to item 6)
12. Travel approval process – why it hypothetically might not work
13. New corporate acronyms
14. Personal (un)allotted time for employee Y to vent his grievances
15. Dry biscuits in place of cream biscuits
16. OHS issues (repeat any of above, but thinly guised as a risk to health or safety)
17. Other business
18. Next meeting.

Culturally challenged

Last night I went out for dinner with some guys from work to celebrate survival of our first 12 months on the job. A colleague of Chinese descent chose the restaurant and recommended we order the authentic Chinese banquet. The selection was to include Peking duck, crabmeat and jellyfish. With some reservation I accepted. A bit out there, but it’ll be okay.

As it happened, broken tea sets and broken English were the first signs of a genuine Chinese dining experience. Even the openers of duck, crab and jellyfish weren’t bad.

The next dish looked a little suspect. It was a bowl of steamed goodies; none of which could be recognised as food. It looked like fungus and fish lips – and it was!

But it was the last dish that made the plastic ice bucket of plain steamed rice the most attractive choice on the table. Because of his accent I’m not sure whether the waiter was calling this flat symmetrical and gelatinous looking thing a sea mouse or sea mousse.

Around the edge of the glistening mouse or mousse, was a black hairy slime. From a distance this dish looked more like an artists impression of a triple-X wax gone wrong. One of the more travelled diners pricked the membrane that lined the mound and exposed a selection of seafood ‘delicacies’. I nearly puked.

I’ve seen plenty of recipes on the net for preparing placentas, but to be confronted with this! All it was missing was the umbilical cord.

I think I’ll revise my prospects of one day visiting the backwaters and less beaten tracks of certain exotic overseas countries.

Gimme a quarter pounder anytime.

Monday, February 7

Weakness?

Tex makes an online confession.
Looks more like an illness to me.

Sunday, February 6

Filling the web with ... er.. knowledge...

Word for the day:

TESTICULATING
Waving your arms around and talking Bollocks.

Wanted – Crystal Ball. Contact Amanda V

It looks like the Australian Department of Immigration needs to recruit mind readers and crystal ball operators to defend itself against the 360-degree hindsight critics.

I hope this rubbish does not fool the Australian public. A mentally ill woman who refused to speak English told authorities she was a German citizen in the country on a temporary visa and was subsequently put in detention. Why the surprise?

Do we really need a big investigation in to the incident to work out that, under somewhat bizarre circumstances, the government agencies involved could only base their decisions on the information available at the time?

If you would like your government to spend less time chasing its tail then stop asking it to perform pointless exercises like this. Transparency, accountability and probity are expensive qualities to maintain. The less a government is trusted, the more expensive it gets.

I’m not saying for a minute that governments should not be held accountable; just choose carefully how you’d like your tax dollars spent. How much would a crystal ball set them back anyway?

Pretty low

How low can GrinderCom go?
Well how about posting one of those survey test things that is doing the rounds on the office email circuit.
Add to that the personal revelation that I scored 35% and wait for visitors to do a comparison.

Community service announcement

One for the guys.

If you've still go a few free meg spare at the end of the month, here's a handy place to unload.

65,000 site visits. I think he might be on to something.

Friday, February 4

They’re sending me secret messages you know

Switch on to ABC News, turn down the volume and watch very carefully.
Tonight’s secret codes read:
1. ‘actor o’
2. ‘ancer are’
3. ‘N raft’ in a US State ‘New Yo’
4. ‘ig ay’
5. ‘ght rore’
6. ‘dney onors’ (this message featured Tony Abbot standing in front of a K K K banner!)
7. ‘hreatened pecies’ in a place called ‘Hoba’
8. ‘etail sults’
9. 'acing nead’

I’m hoping the codes can be used to explain why a television station consistently crops it’s own logo through the whole broadcast, or why Mt Barker has no forecast maximum (unless you have a widescreen tv that is)

Insomniacs urged to think about sex not sheep

[or “How to frustrate a New Zealander”]

AUCKLAND: A New Zealand sleep specialist has urged insomniacs to think about sex rather than counting imaginary sheep when trying to get to sleep.

Fiona Johnston lists other options in her book, Getting a Good Night's Sleep, published this week in an updated third edition to take in recent developments, including legislative changes. Ms Johnston said people were working longer hours and fatigue was resulting in more accidents at home, on the road and in the workplace.

Fatigue was now recognised under the Health and Safety Employment Act as a hazard that had to be managed, she said. Under the Act, employers had to provide a safe workplace, while it was the employee's responsibility to turn up fit for work, which meant rested and ready for work.
"You are required by law now to sleep," Ms Johnston said.

Wednesday, February 2

Call me Lauretta,

"I want to have babies and don’t oppress me.
Its my right as a man to have babies. It’s symbolic of my struggle."

Life of Brian, 1979

I'm still thinking about this one

More internal govt spam to consider

Registration of Interest to attend Residential Cultural Awareness Program

[Dept] Aboriginal Reconciliation is seeking expressions of interest from staff to attend a residential Cultural Awareness Program to be conducted at Camp Coorong on ….. Camp Coorong is 10 kilometres south of Meningie and is managed by the Ngarrindjeri people through the Ngarrindjeri Land and Progress Association.

The program provides an opportunity to experience Ngarrindjeri culture and includes site visits, yarns, basket weaving and access to the onsite museum.
As with other [Dept] residential cultural awareness programs, travel will be by fleet vehicles and accommodation and all meals are included.

Accommodation is in 2 dormitories each containing 6 rooms. Toilet and shower facilities are located at the end of each dormitory. Group size is limited to 20 and the department will meet costs for [Dept] employees. Family members may be able to attend depending on availability and response from [Dept] employees (partners/relatives are to meet the costs of attending). A briefing session prior to the trip will be arranged for all potential participants.

If you are interested, please discuss your attendance with your manager/director before registering your interest with [Contact name] in Policy, Planning and Community Services on [phone] or email by close of business Friday 25th February 2005.


It really is a different world amongst this lot.

A letter to The Elite's ABC

I am not a big fan of the changes to the ABC news that took place on Australia Day. But chances are it'll just take a little getting used to.

The new set layout with headlines to the left of the presenter are not aesthetically pleasing for the majority who still have 4:3 tvs. No matter, as long as I can still read the headline.

That was until tonight. The headlines have crept off screen and are having the first two letters clipped. This ‘creeping’ is either lazy or deceitful. Please have some consideration for those of us who still have televisions with a normal aspect ratio.


Yours sincerely,

Grinder



Let's see what the response will be - standby (for about 4 weeks according to their web site)