Monday, May 31

Guns

Most of the blogs frequented by the Grinder are pro-gun.

Strangely this is contrary to the Grinder's own view.

Not that this was always the case. Popping off a few rounds at flopsy and mopsy was fun enough in a previous life.

These days the arms are not missed. It might have something to do with avoiding the responsibility and the cost. Not having to defend the need to own something purpose built for killing is also a bonus.

Owning a gun is about as necessary in modern suburbia as owning a horse.

Oh yeah. There was one other reason for not keeping guns in the Grinder family household....

02_C500_026

As it happened, blogging proved far more therapeutic

Filling In Boxes everwhere

Life is not a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well-preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, thoroughly used, totally worn out, and loudly proclaiming... F*ck, what a trip!
(Author Unknown)

I like pictures

Mike Jericho does more than just write stuff. He seems to have a handy collection of pictures at his disposal too.

National Dog Baiting Day Friday June 4th

National Dog Baiting Day is a proactive step towards suburban harmony throughout Australia.

The Grinder has a dream; to sleep with the window open, to put out the washing without creating a scene, and to walk the street without triggering a ceaseless outburst of yap yap yap.

To support NDB day simply administer any of these readily available products:

Dark chocolate

Paracetamol

Rat bait

Snail bait

Onions

Blogstration:

The outrage when you are unable to find a web page to support something that occurred in the non-www world. Also known as Actuality Rage Dysfunction.

Friday, May 28

Nearly there

Well, most the work has been done. A couple more days and training will all be over. GrinderCom should recover its adequacy real soon.

Sunday, May 23

A peek inside the public service

This is for those who are interested in what it's like to work in one of the sheltered workshops for the otherwise unemployable (including the Grinder himself). It's an example of the propaganda that public servants have pumped through the state government’s email system:

RECONCILIATION WEEK 2004 CELEBRATIONS

This year [Department] is celebrating Reconciliation Week's theme "Together we're doing it" with a number of events that we hope many staff will actively take part in, learn about Aboriginal peoples, cultures and the experience.

National Sorry Day on 26 May is remembered by a Journey of Healing celebration at Victoria Square. [Department] events commence on 27 May and go through to 3 June with a number of lunchtime activities. Some events require an RSVP to arrange and the link provides further details and contact persons, we trust many of you will participate in the celebrations to support reconciliation.

Please ensure your colleagues are aware of these events.


Chair, Reconciliation Steering Committee


Yep, I’m sorry, can we move on?

Oh and when is the next Caucasian, Able-bodied, Heterosexual, and Employed Male Day?

Friday, May 21

Diversion

There’ll be a brief shift in priorities for the next week or so. Instead of cruising the blogs and recycling the best of the best, the Grinder must tend to the backlog of neglected assignments and other assessable materials due in by the end of the month.

Wednesday, May 19

Too much information

Mum With Attitude could perhaps introduce her young'en to the concept of censorship.

Broom

It’s taken nearly 6 months but the company car has finally arrived. A brand spanking VY Acclaim with 18 k’s on the clock. Having never driven more than a few short trips in a commodore, the Grinder has been somewhat excited about the prospect of cruising in one of Australia’s more conventional six cylinders.

It seemed a little ironic that the quietest car I’ve ever driven (except maybe that time I test-drove a Toyota Prius – but who could call that a car anyway) should have a sound system that compensates the volume setting according to vehicle speed. This feature would have been appreciated far more in the 1963 beetle I used to have in previous life.

And here’s a handy safety feature, straight from the owner’s handbook
“The [boot open] button on the key will not work if you are travelling over 20 km/h”
Who thought up this feature and why? Perhaps they’d been up late and caught one episode too many of the Sopranos. Damn, no more jettisoning of bodies at high speed. It looks like even the mafia can’t escape OH&S in this age

Friday, May 14

I had no idea

"A MAN who had a sex change is hoping to have a baby with his lesbian girlfriend using sperm which he froze before his operation."


Here's a line in conversation that'll get more use as we break through yet another gender paradigm

"And who's the mother?"

Use it in your vernacular today

While still waiting for permission to take off, the Grinder squints skyard to see the Great Prof in his usual fine form....

"given the way that idiots read each other's minds at great distances, it will be everywhere around the world"

Way cool

One of the good things about being a parent is having fun at your child's expense, while you still can.

Hey! What they don't know can't hurt them right?

But both myself and Mrs G wouldn't "Have another for the country" even with these new geegaws.

Perspective

Many a day the Grinder closes the day summing up how much of a dick he's been at work. Fortunately there are images like this on the net to get things back in to perspective.

Wednesday, May 12

Ouch

There'd be a few motorists reconsidering payment of subsequent camera fines after this story last night. Here's the court transcript for those interested.

One would hope this granny might have slowed after the first red light.

Mining humour

These found at Minebox

*Apocalypse now, smoko at 10.00.

*Yeah, I can see the dent now.

*Where's the park brake?

*Bogged down

*I told you to place that rock gently!

*Bigger truck next time?

*Bugger!

I have no life

Who else spotted the blooper in tonight’s episode of the Simpsons ‘Wandering Juvie’?

Flanders signs a bet with homer over who will win a game of miniature golf. Thing is, he signs with his right hand.
Huh! So there!

And who says the Grinder doesn’t post on the serious issues.

Tuesday, May 11

Room 21, Potpourri’s revenge.

Any perfume used to cover up the smell of something unpleasant might work in the short term. But after decades of application, a windowless room ain’t exactly going to smell like a rose garden.

Whatever it was, this deodoriser used in room 21 was nigh on toxic. There should be an exposure standard set for this substance. How long will it take before the chemicals surpass overpowering odours and turn against the human occupants? Will someone have to die of asphyxiation before something gets done?

Motel room 21 assaulted the Grinder’s sinuses for three consecutive nights. It was like being chained to the fragrance counter in Myers without the commission keen chicks vying for attention.

With no windows and only a glass ‘sliding’ door (more on the door next), I believe some of the air in that room was older than me and staler than the contents of Grindling #2’s forgotten lunch box recently recovered from the cubby house.

As for the glass door, even a reincarnated JC himself would have struggled to cast aside the friction brake equipped glass partition and emerge gasping for air having risen miraculously from the depths of room 21.

And if those Iraqi POWs think the US goalkeepers treated them unfairly, then maybe they’d like to spend a night locked up with bar fridge from room 21.Sleep deprivation is assured with the 25 minutes cycling time of the compressor. Starting up with a thud, humming nicely for about 5 minutes and before stopping with another thud and metallic rattle.

I would be interested to hear what this particular innkeeper’s definition of ‘sanitized’ is. A paper band placed neatly across the toilet seat lid doesn’t do much for me, and even less when there are still hairs in the toilet.

Oh and here’s a tip Mr motel man. If you’re going to provide tea and coffee making facilities, maybe consider providing a kettle that can fit under the tap of the hand basin.

And how’s his for a concept. Ask people if they have a preferred wakeup or checkout time. Then use this information to separate people who rise at 5:30 AM from those who were out working until 2:00 AM.

And finally, door keys. Let’s get this one clear okay. At least half the population do not carry hand bags. So just where am I supposed to put a key ring the size of a small plate when I’m not in my room?

Monday, May 3

Football rape – A numbers game?

Warning: This spontaneous rant was evoked by the Four Corners’ football rapists story tonight.

I couldn’t give a toss about either of the codes but something about this story started to ride my goat.

Let’s suppose there are a thousand allegations of rape in Australia in one year. Of these allegations, let’s say the investigations lead to one hundred cases fit for trial. This ratio of 1:100, many would argue is unfortunately true.

Now let’s look at the three football rape stories posted on Four Corners tonight in terms of the odds. Three cases resulting in zero trials. Not exactly a conspiracy.

Struggling

The things I am seeming to write don’t come the same as the words in one’s head. There is being no point in fighting what simply is. Coherent posting may come another day soon.

Sunday, May 2

Handle with care

This post is very delicate, so I've wrapped it accordingly

Saturday, May 1

And while we’re talking gaols

Okay, this trick works on popular sites with lots of traffic, so maybe a charitable visitor with serious site patronage will link back here.

Recently an associate of the Grinder proffered some advice I plan not to need:

‘Don’t drink the prison farm milk, it has some extra protein you probably wouldn’t like’.
The suction devices don’t just fit udders.


Can anyone out there find any stories/articles to add weight to this?

**UPDATE** 2/5/04
This from Al.
Not a particularly credible source, and not really related to the subject anyway.
Which reminds me - NO PICTURES PLEASE!


Gaol names

‘Sourced’ from Paul & Carls site, is this helpful name generator. The homepage looks pretty interesting but I can’t say I’ve invested the time digging any deeper.