Wednesday, June 30

What they’d like to say

Saving asses not kissing them [audio].
(If you have a crap connection, try saving the target file first)

Community announcement

Some study somewhere by someone has showed that alcohol and tobacco are responsible for 90% of all drug related injuries or deaths or something.

Are you up to the challenge?

Note, it’s not as challenging if your PC is as slow as the Grinder’s, in which case let me assure you a rapidly consumed bottle of red should recalibrate things sufficiently.

People can be so cruel

Heh, heh, heh.
Imagine her at night time?

Feeling Mooreish?

Finally, there’s someone who has taken the trouble of properly explaining the whole Michael Moore thing.

Tuesday, June 29

Nine months ago

Last time I gazed into this particular navel, I scored about 42% on the job satisfaction questionnaire:
Rate yourself highly if you feel secure in your job (or as secure as anyone can these days) and are confident about your abilities.
[Pretty good, it is the public service after all. 9]

If your role offers surprise, diversity, challenge and excitement rate yourself highly.
[More a result of poor organisation by those above, but true. 7]

Do you feel your contribution is important to the company? Do you feel unique and needed?
[I'm one of ten who do the same thing, chasing up people's oversights all day. 5]

Do you like your colleagues? Do you feel part of a team?
[You expect about the same for haemorrhoids. 2]
Are you learning? Is your skill set expanding?
[Not the skill set you'd put on a resume'. 0]

Does your job make a difference to the wider world? Do you feel you are helping people?
[Not particularly. As with most enforcement or regulation 'A nuisance' or 'inconvenience' would best describe people's perception. 1]

Fortunately, the new job rates a lot better. [Yeah yeah, I know, give it time]


Lets see if the Magistrate can get this one right. The word of an extensively trained officer of the law earning a modest living upholding the law, or a career criminal who was fleeing from the service station he’d just ram-raided.

IN fear of his life, police officer Shane Cribb fired into a Subaru WRX containing career criminal Shannon Johnston as it headed straight for him, a court was told today.

But it will be at least a month before Mr Cribb, 33, will learn whether he will be forced to stand trial for firing those three shots and injuring Johnston at Abbotsford, in Sydney's inner west, in the early hours of January 2, 2001.

If there’s one thing in Cribbs favour, its that the hearing isn’t in Adelaide where Dolphins have better protection than police officers.

Inference of a headline

“Hope for extremist terror suspects”

Hope for Hicks and Habib
June 29, 2004
SUSPECTED Australian Taliban David Hicks and Mamdouh Habib secured a big legal victory in the United States late last night when the Supreme Court ruled that detainees held at Guantanamo Bay had a right to challenge their incarceration in the American courts.

It appears the media sided with the Hicks-doesn’t-deserve-to-be-detained-like-the-others-because-he’s-a-white-[ex]-Australian-crowd.

Saturday, June 26

Hooked on their mummies

Currently in the throws of running ‘Boot Camp Grinder’ while Mrs G squanders the Federal Government’s Family Child payments at Crown Casino, this article explains a lot!

Crying for mummy may shed light on autism
THE discovery of a gene that controls the bonding process between infants and their mothers promises new insights into autism and other behavioural disorders.

The findings, by a team led by Anna Moles, of the Italian National Council for Research in Rome, indicate that the receptor plays a critical role in bonding between infants and their mothers. This receptor is the same one that responds to opioid chemicals such as morphine and heroin, and is involved in the brain's reward system.

"A pup needs opiate activity in the brain in order to find its mother rewarding," said Jaak Panksepp, a neuroscientist at Bowling Green University in Ohio who has studied the research. "Opiate activity is a very important player in social feelings."

And once they’ve been weened off the stuff they can stop steeling mum’s attention to support their habit.

Michael Moore

It’s a bit hard to avoid running in to this chap throughout Blogsville. This article in The Australian tears a few more shreds.
MICHAEL Moore's Fahrenheit 9/11 is a sinister exercise in moral frivolity, crudely disguised as an exercise in seriousness. It is also a spectacle of abject political cowardice masking itself as a demonstration of dissenting bravery.

At no point does Moore make the smallest effort to be objective. At no moment does he pass up the chance of a cheap sneer or a jeer. He pitilessly focuses his camera, for minutes after he should have turned it off, on a distraught and bereaved mother whose grief we have already shared.
But, then, this is the guy who thought it so clever and amusing to catch Charlton Heston, in Bowling for Columbine, at the onset of his senile dementia. Such courage.

All that can seen from the Grinder’s (sheltered) workshop, is that the man is catering to demand. An unfortunately large number of people who have simlar views and he is simply filling a niche. It’s too hard to follow the complexity of the middle-east and Moore has provided the fast-food equivalent of an explanation.

The Grinder’s kindred spirit?

Well in 4 out of 6 ways, you’ll have to guess which.

Jericho: [Weeping like a bitch] I can't take the pressure Jafa! I'm being pulled five ways at once! I'm poor! I've only got one good-time babe, and I'm married to her! I can't see my abs! I'm finding gray hairs! I masturbate over disturbing internet images far less than normal!

Grinder – acting house bitch.

To earn enough cred for a long weekend away with the boys at Indy 2004, the Grinder has forgone the usual freedoms of a weekend mowing, repairing, entertaining and kitchen duties for … repairs, entertaining, parental taxi, nappy changing and kitchen duties.

This weekend the role of sole parent has been adopted by yours truly while Mrs G gets some much needed retail therapy in Melbourne with the evil mother-in-law (who’d be disappointed if I didn’t call her that).

Hmmm. Gold Coast, Motor cars and ...
Eye Candy

Wednesday, June 23

Missed the boat

Damn! Only 23 years too late. If only this advert had surfaced earlier, the Grinder could be the proud owner of a 4kB microcomputer with power supply and manual.

Yeah, I know it's not the same model but it meets 'Adequate'.

What is more disturbing is that there are about 966 search results too many for TRaSh-80’s in Google.

Ah. Eighty’s home computing, the memories of loading by tape. I think there's a 48K Spectrum still in storage somewhere in a box with about 200 games on cassette. Sadly emulating on a modern PC is easier than unpacking and trying to tune one in to a suitable television.

Monday, June 21

the big spaz

The Great Prof sometimes has a way with words that remain admirable despite their apparent simplicity.
Go read his recollection of an early eighties experience of "a big, bald, ugly bastard with the principles of a weather vane".

Some feedback please

Some guests have mentioned difficulty scrolling down this page. I've refreshed the Booger template to try and fix the problem. Please mail or comment this post if this is continuing.
If it persists, just re-size the window and the scroll bar should fix itself.

Hot tip

An election prediction
The Grinder has stumbled upon a snippet of information he cannot disclose that suggests the 2004 Federal Election will be on 7 August.

Sunday, June 20

Driven to distraction

Let’s say there’s someone driving a vehicle amongst traffic and that person is distracted by something that catches his or her eye. What they do from then on depends on their self-control.
If that person was driven to distraction to such an extent as to have an accident, it would be reasonable to label this as lacking due care. Or should it be the person responsible for the distraction?

From today’s Sunday Mail in Adelaide (no link available)
SA Police have said they would fine any motorist with a DVD screen visible to other drivers. The fine is $50 plus a $10 victims of crime levy, but no demerit points. [Well at least they’ve decided to be reasonable about it].
“If a police officer sees such a device being used in a car that may even be likely to distract another driver, they will be fined,” Adelaide Traffic Senior Sergeant Iain Robertson said. “It doesn’t have to be definitive. As long as the officer believes it may cause any distraction to another driver, they can pull the motorist over.”

I wonder if the flash from a speed camera that is fitted to a police vehicle is exempt? What about the blue and red lights installed on top of a police vehicle, or their fancy LED signs that flash messages?

Saturday, June 19

Discounted crime

In an effort to extend every opportunity to otherwise oppressed cultures, SA’s justice system has taken it upon itself to do some social engineering.

“A South Australian man with borderline intellectual capacity who robbed an elderly couple in the town of Port Pirie had his jail sentence reduced yesterday on the grounds of being an Aborigine.”

This news has been circulating for a while. Others have put forward interesting views also.

Here’s the Grinder’s spin:

1. Here are two statements:

The Court of Criminal Appeal says, "Many Aboriginal people were marginalised and lacked opportunities".


The Grinder says, "Many Aboriginal people are marginalised because of all the extra opportunities".

Which of these is more prejudicial by means of making assertions about a person according to generalised characteristics?

2. There seems to be confusion here between consideration of litigating circumstances and the message you want to send to the community. This outcome suggests that the legal system considers it more acceptable for a person of particular race to dismiss their personal responsibility as if they are somehow entitled to carry out crime at a discounted rate.

Wednesday, June 16

There's Something About ......

The Grinder has opted to bring some work home tonight in exchange for some time to catch up with former work colleagues later in the week. So restraint will have to be exercised so as to not spend the next few valuable hours surfing the news and blog channels.

But before returning to the grindstone I must post this timely and relevant article in an effort to maintain my reputation for making a valuable contribution to the blogshpere.

Monday, June 14

Base Strap

Much to Acidman's distaste, here's a photo of the aforementioned feline. This photo was taken before her inexplicable aversion to confined spaces.
Here puss puss puss.  Ding!

DIY lotto

It is truly winter in these parts. It’s cold (for Adelaide), wet, and windy, and in such times even the most avid house-person has to abandon the hills hoist and find other methods to dry the family load.
Unfortunately the handed down clothes dryer that has twice crossed the Tasman appears to have seized since it was used last winter.
Time to call Captain DIY with his trusty toolbox of destruction.
After undoing nearly thirty screws and eliminating the usual suspects, the unit was re-assembled for a retest. This process was repeated another three times with no luck. Even resorting to the big guns of graphite powder and silicone car polish didn’t help. The Grinder has found a new nemesis.

Fortunately, the Grinder household has not yet ejected the Grindlings (and believe me, it has come close to this after a long cold rainy weekend locked in the house together) and as a reward will be receiving the family election sweetener of $600 per child which will be put to good use(With a bonus energy rating of 1 star). I knew they’d come in handy for something.

Saturday, June 12

Here puss puss puss

This brings back memories of a cat named ‘Ding’.
Snigger to self. AKA Base-Strap, a tortoise-shell who met her maker crossing the road one night, developed quite an aversion to microwaves and drunken lads. No more to say.

[Insert your own headline here]
A New Zealand man has been charged after a cat was microwaved to death.
The 21-year-old Auckland man allegedly put the ginger and white female cat in the microwave after drinking.
The cat's owner went to investigate when she heard screeching from the kitchen and found her cat in the microwave.
A pathologist's report showed the cat had been microwaved for two minutes and that it had suffered acute distress because its claws were extended.
A post-mortem examination showed the animal died of hyperthermia as a result of radiation.
SPCA spokesman Bruce Wills said a microwave heated up the brain until it could not function any more.
"It is pretty painful. I have never seen the claws extended like that. It is the worst case of animal cruelty I've seen.''
The charge of wilful ill-treatment under the Animal Welfare Act carries penalties of up to three years' prison and a $NZ50,000 ($A45,500) fine.
The case would go to court later this year.

Stupid, stupid man. Everyone knows you should prick the skin first.

Imagine the outrage if he’d nuked lamb!

Thursday, June 10

Not difficult...

More from the Grinder's Inbox. Mrs G isn't sure if this could be considered reasonable - the second list that is.

To make a woman happy; a man only needs to be :
1. a friend
2. a companion
3. a lover
4. a brother
5. a father
6. a master
7. a chef
8. an electrician
9. a carpenter
10. a plumber
11. a mechanic
12. a decorator
13. a stylist
14. a sexologist
15. a gynaecologist
16. a psychologist
17. a pest exterminator
18. a psychiatrist
19. a healer
20. a good listener
21. an organiser
22. a good father
23. very clean
24 sympathetic
25. athletic
26. warm
27. attentive
28. gallant
29. intelligent
30. funny
31. creative
32. tender
33. strong
34. understanding
35. tolerant
36. prudent
37. ambitious
38. capable
39. courageous
40. determined
41. true
42. dependable
43. passionate
44. give her compliments regularly
45. love shopping
46. be honest
47. be very rich
48. not stress her out
49. not look at other girls
50. give her lots of attention, but expect little yourself
51. give her lots of time, especially time for herself
52. give her lots of space, never worrying about where she goes
53. Never to forget:
* birthdays
* anniversaries
* arrangements she makes

1. Shag him
2. Leave him in peace

Aint going to argue with this

Again, more PI rated material.
Arguing on the internet is like the special olympics. Even if you win, you're still retarded
Courtesy of Mike


The Grinder is very chuffed to learn that the rank of elite blogger has been awarded by Mike Jericho. Not exactly sure if this standing can be maintained, this label flies in the face of the usual adequacy.

Tuesday, June 8


Well if I can't link to soft porn, then how about this. The homemade jet turbine I mentioned some time ago. Oh, and if it works you may as well check this out.

The following is rated PI – Politically Incorrect

On the radio this morning…

There were two Arabs sitting on the roadside having a pint of goat’s milk.

One pulls out his wallet and shows the other a photo and says, “This is my first son, he’s a martyr”.

The second Arab nods in silent acknowledgement.

“This is my second son, he’s a martyr too” says the old man as he shows a second picture.

Again, the other nods. He pauses, and then concludes, ‘Ah, how quickly they blow up’.


The Grinder Publishing House would like to apologise to readers for an incorrect posting on Sunday June 6, 2004. The following article stands to correct any misrepresentation of the truth.

Out of touch minister gets hint
Saved by the God for fools children and drunkards, Environment Minister John Hill has backed away from a proposal to clamp down on rainwater use after a public and political backlash.

Sunday, June 6


The Department of Water, Land and Biodiversity Conservation is seeking to close a loophole in legislation that currently allows people to use their own water however they wish.

It will soon be unlawful for a person to collect water fallen from the sky and to then dispense it outside of the conditions set by this wondrous legislation.

What the!?!

The Water Resources Act 1997 (South Australia) is scoped ‘to ensure that the use and management of those resources sustain the physical, economic and social well being of the people of the State and facilitate the economic development of the State…’ [Note: no mention of preserving people's rights]

And in case that wasn’t insulting enough to any person who cared to collect their own water, have a gander at some of the powers they’ve already given these ‘water nazis’:

Powers of authorised officers
88. (1) An authorised officer may, at any reasonable time, exercise any of the following powers
(a) enter any land;

(d) where the authorised officer has reason to believe that
an offence against this Act has been, is being, or is
about to be, committed enter or inspect any vehicle,
vessel or aircraft and for that purpose give a direction
to stop or move the vehicle, vessel or aircraft;

(k) put to any person on land or to the person in charge of a
vehicle, vessel or aircraft any question relating to the
administration of this Act;


(4) An authorised officer may use force to enter land, a
building or structure on land or a vehicle, vessel or aircraft
(a) on the authority of a warrant issued by a magistrate; or
(b) if the officer believes, on reasonable grounds, that the
circumstances require immediate action to be taken.

89. A person who
(a) without reasonable excuse hinders or obstructs an
authorised officer or other person engaged in the
administration of this Act; or
(b) fails to answer a question put by an authorised officer
to the best of his or her knowledge, information or
belief; or
(e) uses abusive, threatening or insulting language to an
authorised officer, or a person assisting an authorised

is guilty of an offence. Maximum penalty: $5 000.

Are we so willing as to sacrifice our privacy and liberty for what is only a few drops in the ocean? The Grinder definitely is not.
How on earth domestic rainwater supplies even show up on the radar is beyond me when domestic mains usage is barely visible in the big picture.

Saturday, June 5

Blogger comments

So much for progress. Booger's free comments failed to pass the adequacy test. Back to the ol’ tried and tested third-party freebie.

An Adelaide personality

There is a real estate agent (Let's call her Jemmer) who is recognised amongst her peers for her unique writing style. While it makes trudging through the adverts more entertaining, I’m not sure I’d be employing her services myself.

Here’s an example:

[Address withheld]
And no boring blahhh and this sea view morning is the one you should be scoring..
Sensational set up with 2 levels of special, you’ll be in double-decker heaven with this drop dead eleven!!
3 beds, study, 3 baths… ... Polished floors plus secret lower level living is perfect for the wayward teen that never wants to be seen!!
Outdoors is the real score with double u/croft lock up gge plus low maintenance gardens means with a quick mow mow, you can stay on the go go!!

She’s a poet who’s really trying to show it!

Friday, June 4


From the Grinder's in box:
A little American girl goes to the barber shop with her father. She stands next to the barber chair, while her dad gets his hair cut, eating a piece of cake.

The barber says to her, "Sweetheart, you're gonna get hair on your Twinkie."

She says, "Yes, I know, and I'm gonna get boobs too."

Tuesday, June 1

Strange searches

Here are some of the recent search terms people have used to hit this site:

jericho commercial coffee grinders for sale
fuck mother-n-law
snowtown fillet human
five cougars please+girl
selling breast milk
When you're young, your potential is infinite. You might do anything, really.

I hope they weren't disappointed

Blogger Comments

I've had 'nuff of the rather ordinary features and significant inconvenience of blogger's free comment facility. They'll be sent to the do not recycle bin shortly.