Wednesday, March 31

Note to self

Must see new Starsky & Hutch movie

Today's Joke

An ex social worker did a presentation as part of training today. I waited until just the right moment to make the old 'But doesn't the light bulb need to want to change first' joke. This lead to the telling of todays gem:

How many Islamic Fundamentalists does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one, but they'll need more than 100,000 to avenge the death of the light bulb.

Site Stats

Woo Hoo! 178 unique visits for March and a total of 530 since last October.

Flattened penile midsections

I can't say I've ever seen a cookbook critiqued in quite this fashion.

And again with the celerey.

One for the workers

Occasionally something happens that grabs your attention if for no reason other than it actually makes sense.

Five cougars please

I thought maybe there would be more of a market in concealing such a thing.

Ba a a a ah

Get your Velcro gloves ready, love’s coming to town – in NZ

Tuesday, March 30

More stolen material

These from the ABC's Mondo Thingo tonight:

For $5 per word you can have a terminally ill person memorise your message and attempt to take to the afterlife. Check out afterlifetelegrams.com

What do the terms discombobulation phloem and confabulating anatomies have in common?
They were both GoogleWhacks. Way to pass time.

Duck!

I'm too lazy to even cut and paste this joke, so here's the link.

Oh and here's the picture to go with it.

Monday, March 29

Post Script

It appears the Lexmark Indy site is finally on-line.

Apologies

A weekend family non-holiday to Kangaroo Island has left the Grinder weary. I would like to thank Mike Rann for the opportunity to have an extended weekend.

Tuesday, March 23

Workplace safety

Perhaps management would like to lead be example on this.

Thanks Al

Hows about this for a title:
Does she spit or swallow?

My new email address

Thanks to Tex I now have this not so useful email address

grinder@abcdefghijklmnopqrstuvwxyzabcdefghijklmnopqrstuvwxyzabcdefghijk.com

Lets see how long it takes until the spam starts pouring in.

He's Back

Love him or hate him the Acidman has returned. (After a while you figure out that he just can't walk away from his blog fans)

Monday, March 22

A green's paradise

The Grinder household chooses to redirect some of the clothes wash water to the otherwise desolate back lawn by means of a siphon. You can see the green patches and small deposits of lint.

Each year the lawn recovers and as a bonus the lawnmower gets a big rest during summer. We do this by choice; to keep the water bill down, to save water, and reduce a bit of waste. This is all done knowing that it will be some years before the $5 outlay for poly pipe is recouped in water savings.

Meanwhile….

I hate Mondays

Saturday, March 20

Improvements

I noticed today that motor sport attracts some real ugly looking blokes. It therefore requires a large amount of intervention to bring back the equilibrium.

The line up of grid girls at the start of each race certainly helps. They have always been good sports and posed for the punters. This year the talent lined up, smiled at the crowd and the amateur photographers stood and snapped some stunning pics of … the now even higher safety fencing.

Why does safety so frequently eat away at the good things?

Thursday, March 18

Way to save money

Okay, maybe someone else would like to come up with the one-liner for this story.

I'm waiting

When the FUCK are these people going to get their act together!

Plans

I can’t remember how much I spent on them, but I’m determined to get some value from my tickets this weekend.

If I can survive another day of training, I'll be staying in town tomorrow night to catch the last bit of racing and the checkout the Super Jesus concert.

Saturday the whole Grinder family will head in for a dose of fumes. (Should last to lunch time)

Sunday the trusty mother 'n law has the kids and we get a good part of the day to see the race.

Just ...hmmmm...

02_C500_026

Hmm.... Motor Racing


Wednesday, March 17

Got a stiffy?

On the ABC New Inventors program tonight featured a new design of undies that tame the unwelcome erection. A built in pocket guides the anatomy in a way that doesn't project straight out.

If only these were available back when I was a lad catching the train to town on the way to uni. The public transport pre-arrival erection has caused much anxiety amongst commuting teenage males if I must say so myself.

A couple of today’s one-liners

"Actually, [name withheld] is quite balanced, that is, he has a chip on both shoulders.”

“Don’t slip the tongue!” from a heckler in the back of the group while a newbie was practicing CPR on the first aid mannequin.

More Training

Today discussions around the lunch table moved to how a presenter last week was obviously not told how to approach wild animals with care and subsequently copped a fair mauling for trying to belittle the den of trained-to-the-point-of-exploding professionals.

One of the more analytical newbies commented how he originally thought that by June; the number of inspectors would have reduced significantly like a training room version of Survivor. However, based on recent behaviour there seems to be a group psyche developing more akin to Lord of the Flies where the incumbents revert to primitive tribal instincts and start running around with spears collecting trophies.

Monday, March 15

Parenting

The Grinder isn't the only one using the blogsphere for its therapeutic qualities. Mom With Attitude puts meaning to striving for adequate.

Though she's yet to lower the bar to the Grinder’s level.

Go Mike!

It's not a good time to be state manager of contract installations for Foxtel.

If anyone has some supportive thoughts for Mike in his new job, post them in the comments link below.

Bumper sticker

I really love cats.
But I just can't eat a whole one.

Another quote

“Getting old is like getting drunk, everybody starts looking good.”
Billy Coonally on Parkinson on Saturday night, sounding more Scootish now than he ever did.

Sunday, March 14

The weekend pt III

The exhaust fan is operational, coolrooms clean, working bee finished, and in-laws catered for. Oh and this has been one the few weekends where coming out the other end has left me in a better state of mind than when it started.

Saturday, March 13

Weekend progress report

1) Ceiling fan is in situ. Wiring to commence tomorrow.
2) Family bike ride cancelled in interest of preserving the marital agreement signed some nine years and two days ago. Ditched the kids with grandparents and spent time with Mrs G in non-parental state of mind.

Brain test

Here's the optical test that featured on ABC's Catalyst program this week. If you follow the instructions correctly it's supposed to reveal whether you have the disposition of a monk, mathematician, musician or a dancer.

But first ask yourself if you really want to know.

Marriage

A societal utility as an economic and social construct for the upbringing of trainee humans, it is really just a fun free existence, sort of Islamic in its avoidance of amusement, entertainment and self-fulfilment, and dependent on the simple-minded faith that parenthood is its own rich reward.
Anon, 2004.

Crane accidents

There is some seriously cool material around if one does a quick google on this subject. If you’ve got a few meg of download to spare (or you're online at work), checkout the Boom Truck in Power Lines movie (5.5MB).

Mopping up

How many times have you heard the media throw this term around when reporting on a recent fire?

I’m not sure if anyone else ever wondered when the last time they saw footage of a fireman walking around with a mop and bucket. So I asked a buddy in the local volunteer service and here’s what they really mean:

“Making a fire safe after it has been controlled, by extinguishing or removing burning material along or near the fireline, felling stags, trenching logs to prevent rolling, and the like.”

Plans

This weekend
Lets see. There’s the exhaust fan purchased last weekend, the childcare working bee, the visit from the in-laws, clean the coolrooms, meal preparation, feeding sessions, and the family bike ride in the park.
Sounds remarkably achievable.

Next weekend
The V8s (The average Joe could be forgiven for mistaking this as a swimming festival by the number of bikini clad bods on the promotional material)

Apologies

Blog content has been a bit light due to transient domestic disharmony.

Tuesday, March 9

The Gyneacologist

More 'borrowed' material
In Melbourne, one of the radio stations pays money ($100-$300) for people to tell their most embarrassing stories. This morning's story netted the proud owner $300. The lady said:

"...I was due later in the week for an appointment with the gynecologist. Early one morning I received a phone call from his office that they had rescheduled me for early that morning at 9:30 am. I had just packed everyone off to work and school and it was around 8:45 am already. The trip to his office usually takes about 35 minutes so I didn't have any time to spare.

As most women do, I'm sure, I like to take a little extra effort over hygiene when making such visits, but this time I wasn't going to be able to make the full effort. So I rushed upstairs, threw off my robe, wet the washcloth laying on the sink, and gave myself a wash in "that area", taking extra care to make sure I was presentable. I threw the washcloth in the clothes basket, donned some clothes, hopped in the car, and raced to my appointment. I was more than a little surprised when the doctor said, "My, we have taken a little extra effort this morning, haven't we?"

But I didn't respond. With the appointment over, I heaved a sigh of relief and went home. The rest of the day went as normal, some shopping, cleaning, the evening meal, etc.

At 6:30 pm, my 18 year old daughter was fixing to go to a big school dance and yelled down from the bathroom, "Mom, where's my washcloth?" I called back for her to get another one from the cabinet.

She called back, "No, I need the one that was here by the sink...it had my glitter and sparkles in it."

Not tonight

It’s always interesting to get feedback from others about how your kids behave when they’re away. Grinding #1’s teacher recently said he was doing well at school, though sometimes he can be a bit moody.

It’s days like today that remind me where he gets this. Me.

Every now and then the liver-like device in my head that filters the build up of crap in my life just can’t cope. It’s not that anything is any worse than normal. In fact things in general are going smoothly.

Regardless, the result is a toxic semblance of my normal self. Even the trivial greeting of passing associates in workplace corridors is hard work.

Commonly known as having a personality akin to something between Shrek and Darth Vader, I normally wear my label with pride and manage to get along. But today I just want to seek people’s understanding and punch their lights out at the same time.

From the brewery of Twisted Bitter comes PARENT BITTER

Come and experience 'Parent on tap'. Brewed from years of clinging and whinging, Parent on Tap is available at any hour and can be called upon at any instant. Whether you're in the shower, on the phone, at the checkout or negotiating traffic, Parent on tap can instill bitterness at anytime.
[Yes it's recycled material, but the other blogs are a bit dry tonight]

Monday, March 8

Hmm Beer

>

Sunday, March 7

This week's quote

A Bad Moment
"When you’re young, your potential is infinite. You might do anything really. You might be Einstein. You might be Dimaggio.
Then you get to an age when what you might be gives way to what you have been. You weren’t Einstein. You weren’t anything. That’s a bad moment.”
Confessions of a Dangerous Mind

In the Grinder’s humble opinion, a movie worth hiring.

Hardware therapy.

Last weekend it was $120 worth of plants. The week before was $215 of soil and timber. This weekend? A crowbar, a sledgehammer and an exhaust fan for the toilet.

I love my new crowbar. The sicko who fitted the clothes hoist at the Grinder household buried the f_ing post 600mm down. Two hours of crowbar therapy later….. Following that experience I made the new hole a little bigger and dropped the whole damn thing in – concrete plug and all.

Wooo Hooo

Credit from another blogger!
My new best friend Mike has listed me amongst his Oz Blogs. Mike also works in enforcement, in Sydney. I have shamelessly added his link.
Anyone who expresses themselves using South Park characters has to be alright.

Friday, March 5

Borrowed from elsewhere

Mike Jericho has a blog site worth visiting for a number of reasons:
1. Did you know that an anagram for "Mel Gibson" is "Big Melons"? Also "Noble Gism" and "Bong Smile." But more to the point: "Glib Omens."
2. This gruesome photo of what remains of Ted.
3. And this rewarding quiz (one for the guys)

Bully to you

Today a senior academic preached to the group about his personal discovery in the area of bullying. Bear in mind we have just completed a day of bully investigation training.

I thought it was cute/patronising/indicative of his ignorance * (select one) when he proudly showed us a website he’d found. Personally, a site put together by an enthused victim doesn’t represent the pinnacle of resources when compared with sites from Workcover and various government institutions.

Our guest shared a number of valuable academic insights. Such as an analysis of the ‘Ethical Monism of the 1950’s compared with today’s Ethical Plurism.

It’s not really the guy’s fault. Unfortunately he wasn’t properly briefed and was fed to the lions completely unaware. Lets just say the group can be cruel, especially when a number of them will never use the training and have already sat through the details the day before.

More on training

Since the start of the year I have witnessed varied styles in presentations and training. Here are some tips:

1. Presenting while sitting down and reading straight from the 50 plus power point slides will numb the keenest audience into a coma.

2. Content needs to be relevant. After two months of training, participants will be rationalising the reams of information. The mood of the room will not sustain even one hour of entrapment.

Thursday, March 4

Death by training

Yeah yeah, I know I’m in a privileged position to be having so much information rammed down my throat free of charge, in fact being paid full salary at the same time. But….

Today I learnt about bullying, seven hours worth. There were plenty of sad stories of employees suffering unfair taunting very much to their detriment.

However addressing the mistreatment of worker’s feelings doesn’t sit well with a group of blokes who learnt to fend for themselves in factories and building sites around Australia.

Tuesday, March 2

The secretary

(I don’t have the DVD here so I can’t give any useful information about who is in it, who made it or when it was made).

Yes it’s a sex thing. But, probably not what you’d expect. The story is about a masochistic girl who fights to keep control over her ‘problem’ until she is liberated by the relationship she builds with her sadistic employer.

I’m not sure why I liked it. From what I can recall, there was little scenery, action, adventure, or even screen sex. It was however interesting to see how two misfits could compliment each other’s lives and lift a burden of misfit guilt.

Mrs G thought it dragged on too long. But I think it was just a fresh peak in to how some other people might live behind the bedroom doors. No doubt this is one for the SBS stables.

Monday, March 1

A little known legal fact

Section 171 (1) (a) of the Growing Old Act 1909 states:

A male person described in the definitions as a parent shall, upon
obtaining his career ceiling and realising that his existence was as good as
it was ever going to get years ago, find that good times are shorter and of
less intensity than he recalls being the case in his younger years

Al's Wisdom - apply it to what you do today.

'The Plan'
A set of vague directions to ensure that all efforts result in attaining a set of non-exemplory standards based around achieving non-failure rather than success - also known as the ADEQUATE paradigm.

Comments!?!?!

Comments are giving more grief. Try them out and let me know. Sometime they work even after getting an error message.